


Moon and Sun.

by AmiriteWYT



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 12:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3381422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmiriteWYT/pseuds/AmiriteWYT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They didn't know that running away meant camping for more than twenty days and that it'd be excruciating. </p><p>Especially for a certain vampire who's thirsty and could have been peacefully reading but instead has to carry her roommate on her back because said roommate was too busy tweeting to look where she was going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sun and Moon have been chasing each other for centuries.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be chapters about what happened before the Christmas Special (with what we know from the tweets and little bits in between I imagine) and then what happens after.

_Or sometimes you’d like to rest after a near death experience but a monster decided against it._

 

It’s a little after three am before it happens and as incredible as it may sound, she is alive. Oh yes, very much alive. More than one might think. More than she knows.

Comfortably sitting on the window sill, her thoughts are lost in the stars as Laura’s steady breath whispers secrets to her ears. Colorful dream stories, untold treasured tales and half hidden memories she wishes she could hear more clearly, unfold into ghost dancing figures brushing her hands and vanishing in her palms. There’s a world that’s begging to be discovered inside her roommate’s head, its mountains, rivers and valleys. To be mapped forever and when she wasn't bound by Mother, she had always considered herself an explorer. She doesn’t have to hide the half smile creeping up on her lips, as she is now alone in her universe. The human’s probably dreaming of cookies or something along the lines.

(Or maybe she dreams of sunny worlds and purple skies stretching to fill the space between them, brushing her lonely barren lands of eternity, waiting to be let in.)

Still, sitting like this, head surrounded by sparkling lights and ears filled by soft evened breaths, is giving her a sense of safeness and belonging through the shadows pooling on the ground, swallowing whole the world into darkness. Maybe there’s somewhere to be, in the end.

She’s just been brought back from hell and she can’t sleep. Which, really, isn’t the best plan. Like, not the best plan at all. But her mind keeps her awake despite every cells of her body screaming, crying, begging for sound and safe rest.   
Peaceful slumber is impossible to her. She knows, she tried. But shadows grip her, choke her, banish the light from her and she finds herself back into the dazing nihil she met a few days ago. She cannot sleep. Not with the frightening monster -whatever that thing is- howling louder and louder every once in a while, more often as time passes by, she notices. And the shaking earth, to be honest. LaFontaine's device turned crazy and yes, all of the foolish remaining students should leave. Somehow, she seems to be included in this category of people, against all bets. Who would have known she’d be.

All of the Silas students who decided they could stay a little longer are crazier than the other. Much like Laura seems to be.  
Really, she has absolutely no idea how her roommate manages to sleep so soundly in these conditions. Maybe she’s has more time to get used to it, she doesn’t know. All she knows right now is that the human’s friend is right; they should leave in the upcoming days. But the tiny girl doesn’t seem to be very eager to call her dad.

It’s in the middle of the night a little before everything sets into motion and she is exhausted. The sky’s cloudy, it’s hard to discern the moon and not a sound from outside reaches her. It feels as if the world has come to a stop. Maybe it’s dead. Or dying.   
She wonders for an instant what it'd feel again to know that your life could end, that you are dying at every second, that you won't see time fade away from you. If she knew. Something tingles under her skin and she shivers, her eyes briefly leaving the few stars she can see through the clouds to get lost in the utter darkness that the world outside can only offers her. A little on her left, she thinks she can distinguish some light in the Summer Society building.

(Thank you.)

When she felt herself slip away from all of this, back there in the pit, there were no clouds as she craned her neck up, searching for a way out. No stars either as she looked for an escape. No Moon to guide her home. Home, she whips her head around, towards the almost indistinguishable sleeping form of her roommate, tasting the word on her tongue. Maybe it wasn't at the sky she was gazing on. She wonders how it would have been if she had let go without a fight. Where she’d be at that precise moment.

How freeing it could be to die. What freedom could the mere knowledge of life's brevity could bring. She turned away from Ell for the best, tears marking her cheeks for what she hopes was the last time. It felt like forever. Vampires don’t cry but when you’re losing it all, is it a matter of species ? She turned away from her long lost lover and threw herself to her death, fearless and with a sly smile tugging at her lips. The Light had taken everything she loved, she wasn't going to let It do it again. But this isn’t over… This was only the beginning and she shudders at the thought. All the fights, all the destruction, all the pain.  
Was all of this for nothing ?

Eternity is heavier than she first thought a long time ago, when Mother explained her that she had turned into this creature of nightmares. Became her little diamond she was going to take care of. Because she was one of them now and there was a brand new world she had to discover. And she was going to help her be part of it, she was going to look out for her like a Mother shields her daughter from everything. And she did, oh yes she did for centuries. 

She was carefully picked up after she died, cradled back to life in cold hands and conscientiously shaped for aeon.

She looks up to the stars again, searching answers to questions she doesn’t know yet. There’s still a monster out there, stronger than none of them could ever fathom it and it isn’t her anymore. She died to save her. Ashes on her lips and dust in her eyes. She fought and reborn. And she believes it was worth it. That it still is.  
But with this thing underneath their feet, shaking the earth, trying to shatter it into pieces, she wonders if it really was.

(The tiny human’s crying face dances on her eyelids and she pushes away any thoughts that it wasn't.)

It’s heavy darkness clutching at her, slipping up the wall and dragging her down when the moment they’ll have to run is about to crush them. But she won't leave her again. Her eyes are far out there, trying to quell the strange sense of loneliness gripping her but the stars give her no comfort anymore. They feel as empty as she is. She has sickened them, stripped them down of their grace. Her touch is destruction and her fingers touched too much.

Briefly looking at her sleeping roommate, she sighs softly. What has she gotten herself into. They all will go back for the holidays to their homes, with their families and friends. Especially with the howling thing crawling under their feet, looking for any way out. No student will stay at Silas for Christmas break. Phone calls are being made and all of them should leave in the upcoming days. She’ll make sure Laura call her dad when she'll wake up tomorrow.

To whom will she go now that Maman is dead ? Where is she going to leave now that she’s free ? Freedom has a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She squints at the window. Even with her vampire super senses, she has difficulties seeing outside. Really, it has been a very long time since a night has been this dark around here. Even considering that time hasn't the same meaning for her as it has to other creatures.

As she tries to remember how long it has been, a loud rumble echoes in the night, making the ground shake way harder than it ever did before. The thing. The monster. It is screaming and though it’s not understandable, the anger painting its voice makes the universe around her around drips with violence.

 

The human wakes up in alarm and in a breath, Carmilla is next to her, hand on her shoulder, already reassuring her. Worried eyes look up at her.  
She bits on her bottom lip as she’s looking outside through the window, pondering the best options they have when the door bursts open.

Instinctively she puts herself in front of Laura, shielding her with open arms. She doesn’t have the time to think that a very upset LaFontaine enters the room, soon followed by Perry who seems about to pass out.

“We have to leave. Now ! Get ready, we have tents.”

They throw two big backpacks on the ground and hurry their two dazed friends to get some stuff with wide, agitated gestures before setting a meeting in a few minutes right outside the building. Then, they grab Perry’s hand and rushes out to their own dorm to finish packing and alerting everyone else. No one should stay, no one.

Now, in addition to the monster’s screams of anger getting louder and louder, hubbub is filling every part of the campus as the students who hadn't left yet gather their belongings in utter panic.

Laura seems to suddenly shake out of her trance, blindly trusting the bio major and everything starts to feel way too real for both of them as five minutes later, they are leaving their room.  

On their way out, they pass across Danny who quickly explains to a very upset tiny human that she can’t go with them. She has to go with her sisters from Summer’s Society and that they’ll get back to each others when everyone will be safe. The vampire gently tugs Laura away, understanding why the tall girl wouldn't go with them whatever her roommate could say.  
As they are about to turn at the corner, Danny quickly grabs Carmilla’s arm and gives her a stern look.

“Keep an eye on her and make sure I don’t have to get you out of another pit, blood sucker.

Wouldn't give you that pleasure. Don’t lose any sister or body part, Eiffel Tower.” Carmilla replies, showing off some teeth in a snarl.

And with that, both roommates are outside and slapped by the cold wind filled with screams from another world.   
The place is full of groups of students each leaving in different ways at different paces, none of them thinking that maybe it’d be safer to leave in an huge group. They’re too panicked to be smart and, frankly, Laura doesn’t know how she’d feel about going with the Alchemy Club on a woods running away trip.

Some are already far while others are still in their rooms wondering if they should leave or not. The school’s alarm finally starts to ring and an announcement is made, urging everyone to leave as fast as possible. Their parents will be informed and this knowledge makes the human twitches slightly. Her dad. As soon as they are far enough to be at least a little safer she’ll have to call him to come get them and tell him she’s alright.

She ponders briefly what excuse the administration will use to justify this very badly organized escape plan. Well. To be honest, there isn’t actually any plan intended. In fact, she doesn’t think they care that much about their students, considering how the semester went. The school’s more of a pantry for supernatural creatures than a university, to be honest.

LaFontaine waves at them, shaking her out of thoughts, and hands one tent to Carmilla who takes it but shakes her head. They motion for the group to start moving but the vampire speaks up.

“You should go you three and call your family when it’s safer. I’ll go visit around. Running away in the woods is so annoying. Plus, I have tons of books waiting for me ho-” she almost says home. “at my house, anyway.”

She shrugs, putting on her most stubborn face. They have their families and lives, they’ll do well. And after centuries, she’s finally free to leave wherever she wants.   
Looking around, she sees students disappearing into the night, swallowed whole by the night and she wonders which way she should go to get to her house faster. But it’s too dark for her to discern anything and the loud noises around are messing her up. Her body’s exhausted. Her mind is just composed of yelling and a terrible sense of something missing but she can’t exactly pinpoint it.

She, _a vampire_ , almost died and she hasn't had any real rest yet. But she’s free now. Trying to think about what she wants to visit and that Maman never let her, she ignores the bitter taste on her lips. A hand gently grips her arm and she finds herself staring into kind eyes.   
The very few stars not hidden by clouds reflect in them. Tiny sparkle of light gaze at her and she raises an eyebrow.

“Come.”

Laura smiles gently. She doesn’t want the vampire to go off alone. She doesn’t want to be alone herself. Even with LaFontaine and Perry there. Alone feels like a mountain blocking the sun. Hiding light from her craving eyes. Her fingers slide down and squeeze her roommate’s hand before she starts walking, gently tugging, followed by her friends. As they get to the edge of the woods, they look behind. Staring, probably for the last time, at Silas University.

Then the ground shakes again in a more threatening way and they can see the buildings vomiting the last students that were still wondering if they should go or not. Considering their terrified faces and the lack of proper packing, Laura supposes someone -or something, really- chose for them.

The bio major and her start enunciating fake reasons for Carmilla to come along. They don’t even bother sounding credible, at this point. They know it's been won the moment the human asked.

“What if we meet a bear ? You know Styria better ! What if there are people who only can speak Sumerian ? See, we need you, Carm’.”

Perry is half-amused. Really, only them could be so casual about monsters from another dimension breaking into theirs. She feels a shiver runs through her spine at the possible idea.   
Maybe it’s not that, maybe there’s a very normal explanation to that. An earthquake! And as for the loud screaming voice maybe there’s a movie set near the school and they put the speakers really really loud. Yes, it must be that. She smiles curtly, convincing herself with all she has.

This earns her repressed smiles and more grumbling from the vampire who looks at the three of them with disdain. Laura’s almost certain she can hear her mutter something along the lines of “and I have to go with these dimwits...” and she can’t help but grin.

As a dim light comes out from the cracks in the ground and everything seems to shatter around them, they start to run. Hollow screams ring to their ears.  
Carmilla mutters under her breath but she’s right there when they need her. And there’s nowhere else she wants to go.

(And really, she made the choice to follow her everywhere a long time ago.)

 

They have to move as quick as they can muster it to get as far as possible from the campus.  
And so they do. Not for long, though.

At first, their way is illuminated by the gleam pooling out of the cracks under the university. And when they glance behind, what they see is both the most beautiful thing they've ever witnessed and the most terrifying.  
The glow seems to be ascending towards the sky, melting with the stars, turning them to nothing in comparison. It reminds them of the Hungry Light. Except in a more magnificent… more violent way. It’s dancing on the walls, running around the campus, huddling into incandescent lakes. They have to fight the urge to turn around and dip their hands in the luminescent waters. Wash themselves in. Dissolve.

Laura thinks she can distinguish some students turning around and she freezes, stepping back, ready to run back to them and stop them. She doesn’t know how she knows it but there’s something in her that tells her that if they touch this incredible beauty, they’ll vanish from existence.  
Someone grabs her shoulder and she whips her head around, fire in her eyes, finger already pointing towards the poor fools. Carmilla gives her a steady look and shakes her head.

No. She cannot let them, stupid vampire. They’re innocents and that light is everything but that, she knows it, deep down. And she knows they can feel it too. She has to go and stop them. She lets her backpack fall at her feet. She won’t touch the gleaming pools, she’ll be careful not to fall into cracks… and she’ll make them turn around and save themselves. She promises.

Fingers still clutch at her shoulder and she shrugs it off. It’s calling her, she has to go and save them, don’t you get it ? She feels the tug in herself, this is what she was meant to do. This is why she was born, why she’s been made, why she’s there. Her whole life’s been shaped for this moment, her bones moaning in her, the certitude rippling under her skin, burning her eyes. She has to go back and get them before they dissolve. It’s calling, it’s calling, it’s calling, she hears the screams in her head.

Pained eyes look at her and she doesn’t have the time to take a breath that smoke replaces them. When she realizes what it means, she turns around, eyes searching.

When she sees her, her throat constricts as she is only meters from what seems to be the end of the world. She watches Carmilla growling at students but they seems so entranced they don’t notice her. She poofs again and when she’s back, there’s something in her hands. It seems heavy and so dark, so dark, it’s like the object itself banished light from their dimension. She holds her breath when she watches the vampire walking closer and closer only to stop with the other youths at the borders of the luminous cracks. The object falls from her hands, blindly landing at her feet and she’s as immobile as the humans around her. Still at first but then she takes a step with the others, robotic. Gone. And it feels like losing her all over again when she’s now only inches from the luminescent walls and water.

Laura starts running towards her, sidestepping LaFontaine who tries to stop her, Carmilla’s name dying on her lips. God, what has she done. Her chest is already burning and out of the corner of her eyes, she can see long red hair flipping around and screaming for her. But she doesn’t stop. She has to reach the light. Except that this time, it’s not calling her. She’s the one calling and calling and calling. God, what has she done _again_. It seems that it’s the same story always repeating itself despite whatever she tries. The same horror all over again.  
Carmilla is looking into Hell and she’s too afraid to join her.

She doesn’t notice the tears streaming down her face as she gestures wildly to get one of them to just turn around and look at her. For her roommate to notice her. For her to come back to her. But she’s too far, too far, she’ll never make it. She’s going to lose her. Again. Forever.

(She can’t lose her again. She’ll fade out completely, this time.)

Something snaps in the air and a few students look around, stumbling back, away from the light. She calls out Carmilla’s name and God, oh God, thank you, she’s moving, she’s moving and bending, clutching the dark object for dear life and throwing it with all of her strength into the crack. The screams surrounding them are laced with pain as the light wavers and the insistent tug seems to leave her core.

The vampire turns around and spots her. In a poof, she’s next to her, pulling her by the arm and throwing a nod at someone Laura can’t quite distinguish. A flash of red seems to run back to a group of girls and she waves at Danny. Of course it’d be her. She silently wishes her to be safe with the Society. Her fingers grips on her roommate’s, almost reverently. She’s here.

Arms suddenly close around her and she crashes face first into Carmilla’s chest. She doesn’t have the time to look up that a violent nausea shakes her, black clouds cover her vision and she feels like she’s choking on thick smoke. When she can see again, her chest heaving, her throat burning and her stomach lurching, they’re next to Perry and LaFontaine who sigh in relief. Both of them are engulfed in a bone crushing hug before they collect their backpacks and start running.

Soon, what’s left of the once attractive light is swallowed by shadows and they are stumbling into darkness, stepping into what feels to be empty lands only filled by screams of imminent destruction.  
It’s like they are progressing into two dimensions blending together. One, being the woods where they trip on branches in the night and slip on the iced steep ground under their running feet and the other, being a world where air is dripping with devastation, where everything stinks with war and where rivers of blood tear the earth open.  
It’s a place emptied of everything that makes their universe their own. Humankind doesn’t belong there. Nothing does. Not even death.

It’s a God forsaken place and only the embodiment of annihilation can move there. It’s a God forsaken place and a creature made of its reality is coming, its touch shattering the purest beings. It’s a God forsaken place and it’s trying to blend with their world, swallowing them to the last, melting their bodies in fire.

LaFontaine wonders if the two dimensions will crash together when the monster will reach the surface of Earth and go on a undoubted rampage. Maybe the sacrifices should have kept on. Maybe they shouldn't have fought back.  
They shake their head. No, it’s the terror talking, not themselves. They’ll figure something out, together. Already, it feels less stronger than earlier, before Carmilla threw that thing at it. They’ll have to ask her what it was, though, it felt familiar. The object refusing the mere existence of light.

Though it’s less powerful, all of them can feel its hold growing and growing, their universe dipping into a bowl of hatred. And despite that they can’t see much in such darkness, they can feel it in their bones. This area has been bathed in blood. The air is sinful and each color is burning up in violence. Like angry tears into their reality. And it hurts.

They can feel the urge in their veins and they’re sure every beings around feel the same. The urge to run. Run as far as possible from this promise of spreading horrors.  
And so, they do. Their ears buzzing with deep howls of pain and anger. Of loneliness maybe, Carmilla wonders.

They run, move at the quickest pace they can muster and don’t take breaks. Slipping away from its reach. When one of them falls, another grabs their arm, pull them up and the group keeps moving. They don’t have any other choice. The thing ripping Silas’ ground open doesn’t let them one.

Never have the humans seen such obscure woods but they keep going through darkness, blind and terrified.

(Darkness is home for Carmilla, this is where she belongs.)

 

They go like that for hours until they finally can see the dawn, timidly pooling between the leaves above their heads. It brings hope back in their crushed hearts and they keep going for hours, as the sun rises slowly, unaware of the horrors spreading in the air. They put one foot in front of the other over and over until all of them fall on their knees. Until their hands are the only thing stopping them from collapsing, face deep in the snow. Until they are so exhausted they can’t steal one more inch from the evil.

They’re down. Backs to the ground, face turned towards the sky they can distinguish through the branches. It’s a soft blue, frozen in time with the winter clawing at it. Fleeing birds like running thoughts have nowhere to hide, there’s no cloud to darken it. It’s an iced azure they’re gazing at, yet untouched by the monster’s influence.  
And after progressing for hours in hopeless destruction, its mere sight is exquisite to them.  
It feels like some kind of redemption.

They’re half hidden from the cold rising Sun by trees’ shadows, chest heaving and laced with fire, shivers running under their skins through their closed coats.  
Well. Except the vampire’s, who doesn’t seem to be bothered at all by the fact that she’s curling up in the snow, her eyes falling shut despite herself as waves of exhaustion crush her.

“We need to pitch the tents.” clatters LaFontaine through clenched teeth, slowly sitting up.

The two remaining humans of the group vigorously nod as they try not to die of exhaustion or frozen. Perry gets up -frankly she has no idea where she finds the strength to, considering how fast they've walked all night-  fumbling through the few belongings they could gather before they had to run away. All of their stuff has been unceremoniously plopped down in the snow, none of them finding the will to care about it. She bites her lips, vaguely embarrassed.

“Tents take a lot of place. I know Su- LaFontaine doesn’t mind a bit since we've been best friends since childhood but I also know too that Carmilla and you are… I- I don’t know, really, but this may be a bit inconvenient for you two but tents are heavy and difficult to carry so LaF had to make a cho-“

Laura smiles and puts a hand on her arm reassuringly before bending down to see only two tents. She laughs loudly and relief washes over the floor don who, really, was worried her friends would mind the lack of more shelters and the fact they’ll have to share.

“It’s alright, Perry. Tents are heavy indeed.  We’re roommates anyway, simply it’s a bit closer, I guess.”

She blushes slightly then gently nudges said roommate with her foot. The vampire doesn’t even bother to open an eye and simply curls up more comfortably, hiding her face from the light dripping from the leaves. She’s so tired.

And thus here is Laura, trying all alone to set their shelter up, awkwardly imitating what Perry and LaFontaine are doing and… failing miserably.  
When one of the tent peg falls on her head for the third time, she holds with one hand what hasn't fallen (yet) while bending down and picking up a handful of snow that she throws as hard as she possibly can on the vampire. Her head snaps up, momentarily confused and then a cold angry stare meets hers.

“Hum, Carmilla ? A little help out there?” She whines, shaking her head in disbelief over the mess of pegs and fabric.

A smirk answers her as Carmilla stretches up in the snow, yawning, her gaze still heavy from the half-asleep state she was in. The human shivers from the cold for her as the dark haired woman brushes off the snow on herself, not a bit bothered.

“Can’t you feel the snow at all ? I swear to Hogwarts, we have Moncler coats and we've been almost freezing up for hours and here you are barely in a vest that I made you wear, sleeping on the frozen ground as if it weren’t -1000° out there !”

Sniggerings reverberate her words and in a second, the vampire is up. She narrows her eyes.

“First of all, _I_ decided to wear it, you have nothing to do with that.”, she shoots a deadly glare at a snickering LaFontaine whose laughter dies in their throat but who does nothing to hide their smile as they finish to tie the last ropes of their own shelter. “Secondly”, she continues, “Vampire, cupcake. You humans are so weak.”

Laura snorts at the look of disdain her roommate gives her. She almost laughs at the absurdness of the whole thing; she cannot believe they are bickering over a tent when almost seconds ago, they were running for their lives. When they still are. As if on cue, a cruel scream echoes from far away. Not far enough to her taste, though.

“Well you’ve been human too ! Come. On. Help me out there, Carm’!”

Carmilla's eyes get lost for a second but then a snarky gleam sparkles in them and she's sashaying towards her friend. Coming close, very close. She brings her hands up, barely a whisper away from the human's hips, arms, neck and then they shoot to hold the tent up. The younger -much younger- girl gulps as hot breath washes over her face.

"Yes, I've been human, centuries ago. But you're the one who wanted me there, Buttercup, and I'm still up long after sunset when I could have been sleeping and really it's a shame that I’m awake at the same time as the Sun, so deal with it."

Still holding the mess of stakes, ropes and fabric, she pushes her hips into her roommate's who is _definitely_ gaping -her brain probably left somewhere far- at her and doing absolutely nothing. She’s both annoyed and smug that Laura still doesn’t seem to reconnect with reality after that. At the lack of response from her, she raises an eyebrow, amused, and sighs, rolling her eyes before motioning with a quick movement of head for the human to start moving.

A few time, LaFontaine pokes their head out of their shared tent with the floor don only to be rewarded by angry snarls that make them retreat back to the safety -and warmness- of their shelter. They’re okay with being nice and all, not have their head bitten off when they try to help.  
About 30 minutes later, the tent is up. Apparently, it seems that being a vampire doesn't magically make you a genius into putting tents up.

(She's been human once upon a time, a long time ago.)

After haphazardly throwing in their shelter the few belongings left waiting in the snow, she takes a big handful of the white matter, her other hand shielding her face from the daylight.  
A smile plastered on her face and coming close behind her roommate, she waits. Not for long. The human leans against her, her heart fluttering as she turns around to look at her.  They didn't hold hands as they were running away earlier in the night. It felt too pure for the universe they were stepping in and it’d have sinned the simple gesture. And Carmilla thinks she’s been already too soiled to touch Laura long before this horror ripped the ground open.

With the monster waking up, they didn't have any chance to talk about their feelings but now that their friends are in their tent, Laura can finally look properly at her again. Her eyes are as dark as the night, with hints of gold near her irises, shining like little stars. Her make up is a bit smudged, her eyeliner a bit smeared, her hair messy and tangled. She has huge bag under her eyes from restless days and her mouth twitches with exhaustion.  
She’s beautiful.  
  
Something wakes in her heart, though she can’t quite put a name on it yet, and her eyes close as her lips inch slightly clo- snow is smashed on her face and a snarky laughter rings to her ears.  
The warmness against her is gone and she tries to keep her smile at bay as she brushes the snow off her face half-angry half-laughing and it's only her vampire super speed that gets Carmilla inside the tent without Laura's revenge striking her.

The human stretches outside, letting the snow fall from her hands as she sighs. The sun is high in the sky. What a night ! And they still have to run ! Should still be running… But not now, she decides, now they need to rest. All of them. Herself included.  
She saw it in her friends, each of their moves are heavy with exhaustion. Really, they can’t go any further than this for now.

She sighs again as she lets herself be bathed in light for a minute, her whole body screaming at her from exhaustion. Yes, she knows she should already be lying down and sleeping. But she needs these few moment of brightness warming her up. Pushing away the darkness. Cleaning her soul from the hatred soiling it.

She watches this place yet untouched by what gripped her heart the whole night.  
Today seems to be a remnants of these luminous clear days still fighting against Winter. Sun piercing cool blue sky, lazily sliding down and flooding the frozen world with a light that isn’t warm anymore. But it’s still battling. This day is one of the few that still haven’t surrendered to Winter yet. Probably one of the last before a long time, their battle against the cold is almost over. For now. For a while. For a time.

(That war never ends.)

Their rest will be short, she knows it, they'll have to move soon since they are still very close of Silas. So close they can hear echoes and tremors of the monster living there. So close she swears she can see the small cracks forming in the sky. So close she’s sure she can feel all the warmness, the hope, the love in her heart slowly being stained and slipping away from her.  
Maybe it’s exhaustion. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it really is the monster.  
Or maybe, probably, it’s a little bit of the three.

They should still be moving right now, still be running for their lives, to get safe and then figure out a way to fight it but frankly she's too exhausted to be afraid nor care.   
Well, she sure is afraid but whatever happens she's certain her body would give her up so they better rest because she's convinced not any of them is in condition to continue. She wonders how far the thing’s -really, what is it anyway- influence will spread. A shiver runs down her spine at the thought that it might be limitless. She purses her lips. No. It’s powerful but not that much… right ?

She shakes her head, throwing all of these ideas out of her mind. Too tired to do anything about it anyway, all she has to do is rest. With a sigh, she brings herself to move and abandon the comfortable sense of safeness that being bathed by sun rays brought her for an instant.  
She calls out for her friends right behind the fabric hiding them from the cold wind. She smiles to herself when something tells her they’re probably snuggling into each others.

"The first who wakes up gets the others so we can leave."

A groan and a mumbled yes from LaFontaine answer her accompanied by what she's sure is a soft snoring from Perry. She shrugs, after all their tent has been up for quite a time now, they didn't have any trouble putting it up, on the contrary to Carmilla and her.   
Her smile grows bigger, remembering her roommate's refusal of any help. She wonders if she’s met someone more stubborn than the vampire. Maybe herself, she laughs internally. 

A wave of tiredness washes over her once again and whispering a reverent goodbye to the day -she still can’t shake off the idea that ultimately, when the world will dissolve into space there may be no more days on this Earth- she zips open the door of her shelter.

The tent is small and the two self-inflating mattresses are taking the little bit of free space they have. Their backpacks have been disposed at their ends, which allows them some place to move -as much as you move in a tent- but no way the vampire could completely stretch her legs. It’s not like they need a lot of space anyway, it’s just for sleep, they don’t really have the time for other things and they’ll be safe soon.

Laura thinks about her dad. She hopes he’s not too worried. She had checked her phone after the tent had been set up but there was no cell reception. She had tried to contact him many time when they stopped running -the earth had begin to shatter into pieces and there was a monster coming out of the cracks, don’t mind them Papa Hollis- but no tiny bar indicating any way for her to reach for him came up, sadly. Maybe the monster has some kind of disturbances for all of that. Or maybe they’re just already too deep into the forest and the mountains.

She winces. He’s probably having an aneurysm at the mere idea of her camping in the woods. Well. Depending on what he knows. She wonders what Silas administration told their parents. They can’t really tell them that a group of students (that includes her) has taken over the Dean, kind of pretty much killed her in cold blood (her again) and then proceed to kill a Light that threatened to destroy everyone there (well, this time it wasn't her technically but she helped so).  
Oh, and that it actually did work (yay !) but only made things worse (nay !) and all of Silas’ students are now running for their lives, scattered everywhere, hoping they’ll find some help.  
Yup, she definitely hopes they’re going to lie otherwise she suspects her dad will die on the spot.

It isn’t chill inside but all of them know that some nights in these tents could get cold. Very cold. Luckily for them, they'll probably find a town tomorrow and if not, somewhere with some cell reception and Laura will call her dad to come get them and she'll spend Christmas safely with him away from all this insanity.

When she gets in, Carmilla already is fast asleep, her hair smeared in a mess over her face and her sleeping bag half taken out of her rucksack pooling at her feet, not even covering her properly. It seems like she has lost her battle against sleep in the middle of fighting to get her blanket on herself.Laura's heart clenches as the realization of how exhausted her roommate must be dawns over her. Only a few nights of sleep since she's been back from hell. And she knows the vampire hasn't been sleeping well, thrashing in her sleep and mumbling words she couldn't quite place.

The only night she hasn't heard her call out in her sleep was last night. Well, as much as you can call a night ending around three am with screams, fear and running. And now that she thinks more thoroughly about it, considering how she was there and all dressed up right when she woke up, she suddenly doubts Carmilla took some rest at all. Nightmares warding off sleep.

A pained expression paints Laura’s face and she pulls the vampire's sleeping bag out of the backpack. She unzips it and open it wide before laying it with care over Carmilla’s asleep form.  
She observes her, watching her chest softly rises and falls. She knows that technically her roommate probably doesn't need to breathe -being already dead for centuries and all- but she noticed quite a time ago that the vampire didn't seem to have lost the habit. As if she wanted to briefly fool herself into someone she wasn't. As if to forget she was a monster. As if clutching to the remainings of her long lost humanity.

She lies down next to her, wrapping herself up in her own sleeping bag, not even bothering to take off her clothes. She’d only have to put them back on again in a few hours anyway.  
Gently, oh so gently, she brushes away the hair from her roommate's peacefully asleep face, her nose almost touching hers. Her fingers tracing the side of her face, discerning the last of her bruises that are slowly fading away. A gentle reminder of everything Carmilla did for them.

(To Laura’s eyes, Carmilla’s the most human of them all.)

She’s torn between wanting to check on the bandages covering the vampire’s chest and letting her into her empty slumber. She decides for the latter, hoping she’ll hear her if a nightmare comes clutching at her again.

"I'm sorry." she breathes in the semi obscurity.

She sets an alarm just in case because a part of her knows they can’t sleep too much and she closes her eyes with the sound of a soft steady breath answering hers, lulling her into a peaceful dream world, far from monsters, hungry light and dead. Not five minutes later, she's fast asleep, her lips stretched into a small smile.

 

Her name softly called from outside the tent wakes her up from her world of peace. It takes her a few moments to recognize her surroundings, her heart beating faster as she panics for a moment, wondering where she is. Then her sleepy brain kicks in and she remembers. The screams, the shaking, the monster, the light, the running. The fear, the fear, the fear. She sucks in a breath, curling a little more on herself but relaxing immediately when, in her movement, her back brushes a hand laying between the two mattresses. 

Her roommate. It brings her back from her fear induced panic. The routine of sleeping in the same piece as her. The routine of being awake before her.The nice routine she doesn’t really know when she has settled in and started valuing it so much.  
She breathes slowly, her heart beating less frantically, her mind functioning properly again.

(Carmilla anchors her even in her sleep.)

She mumbles out a yes from the covers she's buried under and Perry pokes her head with a smile, telling her that their friend has managed to light a small fire up - she doesn't mention all of the struggle and the now empty lighter as she knows LaFontaine would deny all of it and pout for at least half a second- and that they're making hot cocoa.  

Laura nods and the head retreats outside. A sigh escapes her at the idea of running away again for the whole night. Really, her body is very much minding the fact that their days are inverted. It feels like jet lag. In worse. Plus walking in the night is so inconvenient, they can’t see anything. Well. Except the vampire who somehow seems not to stumble too much and hasn't gotten any branches in her face… yet.

Speaking of which, stretching up, she turns around, now facing Carmilla who is still fast asleep. She lets herself get lost in the view for a second, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment. The girl’s face is relaxed, at peace, no wrinkles of worry twist her features. It makes her feel safe for a moment. It makes her chest feels warm and her heart flutter.  
She allows herself to contemplate her a few more instants before whispering her name.

Of course, this doesn't seem to rouse her roommate up. The idea of getting snow outside as a payback from earlier dances in her mind but she thinks better of it. Instead, she gently brushes her cheek with her hand before cupping her face, softly caressing the skin with her thumb and a little louder this time, her voice fills the empty space around them.

"Wake up, sleepy head."

A few more gentle caresses and whispers and she is rewarded with dark brown eyes fluttering open. For an instant the vampire looks disoriented and scared but when her eyes lands on Laura, she seems to calm down a bit. But her shoulder are tense again now that she’s awake. And she’s very much aware of the aching spreading in her bones. She keeps her mouth utterly shut, not allowing herself to look anywhere but towards the human or to show any trace of pain. Sleep slowly leaves her eyes and she scrunches her nose up -in that cute way Laura loves so much- when their names are being called from outside.

Laura’s heart swells with affection and closing briefly her eyes, she kisses the tip of Carmilla’s nose with tenderness. The vampire needs peace after all the troubles she went through and with all the dangers still waiting for them, she wants to give it to her. Give her everything. Shield her from all that is bad, all that is evil, all that hurts as she tried for them. Even if it’s just for an instant. She threw herself in the Light for them and some part of Laura tells her that the vampire would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

A soft blush creeps on her features at Carmilla's warm smile and gaze. She marvels at the reverence she can see in her eyes.

"Hi...

Hi ."

Carmilla links their hands, intertwining their fingers and they lie right there for a moment. Enjoying that moment of rest they're snatching from reality, ignoring all the reasons telling them they’ll have to get up and get moving. That the sky sure is still filled with angry red stripes, the air sure still resonates with cruel screams and the ground sure is still shaking up with hatred but they don’t listen to the little voice at the back of their minds. They can’t hear the universe around howling in pain at being ripped apart. They can’t feel the tentative touch of the monster tearing their reality. They can’t be aware of anything but each others. And they need it. All of them.

Perry and LaFontaine laid that way too, a little earlier when the floor don’s phone rang in the night and she kissed their forehead gently. When they looked at each other and let the world fade away from them for a moment. Needing a little bit of home to keep going.  
Now outside, watching LaFontaine take the tent down as she serves hot cocoa in travel mugs, Perry feels almost not scared anymore. With them, it feels as if nothing bad could happen. The bio major looks up and smiles widely at her as she goes to tap gently on the fabric of their friends’ shelter.   
LaFontaine can see the bubble of safeness around Perry at this very moment and they’ll fight to damn death against anyone who’ll try to pop it.

As they are being called again, Carmilla groans, her hands sliding on Laura’s shoulder, keeping her in place. One more minute, because she’s a rebel you know. She’ll never say that she needs this to go on in the darkness surrounding her, clouding her mind and clutching her heart in a tight embrace.  
Foreheads touching they simply breathe each other in, finding strength where they thought were none.

(Building their own from scraps of love, but they don't know it yet.)

 

The promise of hot cocoa before leaving finally gets them out -the human’s always very eager for any intake of sugar- and as Carmilla keeps the tent’s door open for her, Laura squint in the half-obscurity. She can see LaFontaine pointing wildly at the bonfire, an huge smile on their face.

“I managed to light a fire up ! I’m a genius !” they grins as warm light washed half of their face.

Carmilla makes a gagging sound as she sits, rolling her eyes and stretching her back.

“Oh sorry, I got really nauseous all of a sudden.”

The bio major tilts their head to the side, eyebrows raised and the vampire sighs loudly, crossing her arms. Laura hits her with her elbow  in the ribs and, after breathing out a “ow” of surprise, a never mind is uttered under her breath. LaFontaine breaks back into their smile -they never really lost it, they've started to know the vampire-, as they get down to business to defeat- wait no, wrong story.  
When they pass next to Carmilla, they don’t forget to slightly trip and send some snow on her. A snarl answers them and they laugh loudly.  
Payback, bitches.

The fire is crackling, spreading light around as if a droplet of Sun had been spilled and landed right there just for them. It’s a luminous gift in the terrible night ready to fall and crush them into darkness.The vampire sighs softly, eyes lost in the flames setting the late evening ablaze. 

The shadows are dancing at its end in a choreography Carmilla wishes she could learn one day. For centuries they have been swaying in ways she never quite entirely understood, even when eternity was lying at her feet.   
The dim dancers are moving swiftly before her distant eyes, sliding away from the fire, brushing each other with tentative touches before melting into one another. Somersaulting in the light, their steps leaving a burning print in the ground as they hold hands in what feels like waltzing to Carmilla.  
Then, suddenly, they’ll run back to the core of the burning volcano and throw themselves without hesitation into their death, snatched by blazing heat. Why, she doesn’t know. But they’re still there, she can see shadow dancers in the flames, resuming their endless choreography, growing and growing until they snap into myriads of embers and fly back to the stars, from where they fell, crashing on Earth once upon a time. To where they belong. Free.

She looks up. For years, she wanted to be free. Now that Mother is gone, now that she is, she isn’t sure she knows what it means anymore.

The night is slowly snapping the day up, inches by inches as the sun's dying far away from them, sliding down the bit of horizon they can distinguish between the trees and the mountains. Never a death has even been more beautiful than the daily disappearance of the burning star. It's mesmerizing and they are momentarily breathless from the view offered to them. Almost completely clear of the monster’s touch.  
Carmilla wishes it’ll always stay free of any devil caress. Unlike her.

Soon will the sky be painted in dark blue, remnants of day piercing it in tiny spikes of light, illuminating their way.

Their friend's tent has already been taken down and everything's packed up as warm mugs are placed into their hands. The two late girls motion to have a few minute to pack everything up but the bio major stops them, explaining gently that they'd do for them.   
That's when Laura notices Perry's anxious face.

"I have bad news" Her face is tight and her voice strained. The words are dancing in her eyes.

The tiny human suddenly starts trembling a bit. No more bad news, please, she can't take it. They are too far from everything she knows, and she wants to run again. Run run run far away. Be free, be safe, be away. Safe. Safe. Be safe. She wants to be gone already. Her mind is being clouded by wasp of smoke, whispers of fear, ushering danger in her skin.  
Gentle fingers clasping her hand stop the shaking. Snapping from her endless stream of thoughts, she looks up to be met by warm brown eyes. Safety. The hint of a smile tugs at her lips. And it's lost in these eyes filled by light that she braces herself for the news coming out of the floor don's lips.

(And while listening to these words, she doesn't look away from the stars she can see.)

"LaFontaine and I had finished to take down our tent and prepare our bags and while I was making the hot cocoas -since, you know, they amazingly managed to lit up a fire- and waking you two up, they looked up the map and-"

She stops abruptly, worrying her hands before starting to fiddle with the few belongings lying near the fire as her huffed breaths dissolves in the freezing wind. LaFontaine looks up and goes near the two roommates, immediately leaving the packing -now that Carmilla and Laura’s tent has been taken down too-  to her with a thumb up and a gentle but quick motion. Relief washes over Perry’s face as she hurries to finish the bags. Already, her chest feels less constricted and she shoots a thankful glance to the bio major.

"So yeah, kind of bad news. There's a town but it looks pretty close to Silas and I’m sorry but I don't think I want to risk my ass there.", they wink at the floor don's slight gasp," I saw that there's another one kinda still in the area but the map's not very clear. It looks far, though. Maybe two weeks ? Map’s not very precise."

Laura’s face falls and she looks down at her feet, leaving behind the stars in the nighty eyes they belong to. Two weeks… But that would lead them somewhere after New Year Eve. And Christmas. Soft hand squeezes her fingers but she can't think of something else than being in these woods full of screams full of dangers full of.. pain.   
She feels warmness on her hand and pushes away the nagging voices in her mind. They will not get her. She’ll never give up against fear, and if her dad taught her one thing -aside from being extra careful with life- is that you shouldn't ever let terror, despair and doubts draw your path for yourself. And it won’t, or her name isn’t Laura Hollis.

She takes a sharp breath and squeezes back.

"I mean. On the bad side, we're stuck in the woods with, from my opinion quite uncomfortable beds and no science labs but that may be just me..." They laugh, making the tiny human half smile. Perry motions that the packing is done and goes standing next to them, a sympathetic look on her face. She places her hand on the small of their back, making LaFontaine shivers as the words hang in the air around the group.  
Carmilla silently wonders how she feels about that. So does her roommate. Well. With, maybe a little more compassion than the vampire.

"But on the bright side, we're together ! I mean, isn't it absolutely awesome and adventurous ? Running away from an horrible monster, making the weird submit and bonfire. It's going to be so fun, guys. Plus there probably will be cell connection anytime soon. I mean, I know it’s Styria but still, we’re not in Middle Age."

Laura tries off a smile at her friend's eagerness, LaFontaine can't seem to be brought down by anything -except maybe by losing their very “best friend” (they won’t) and the obvious lack of any labs in the area-  and really they are so positive, it’s rubbing off on the others.

Though, they all know very well that the chances to get some cell service are going to get slighter and slighter the deeper they go into the mountains. Borderline ridiculous, even. But do they even have another choice than this ? She sighs softly before bursting into laughter.  
Really, it's so incredible that everything seems to be against them as if someone somewhere was just playing around with them. It's like Jumanji but they're not the players. Or maybe they’re Sims and they don’t even know it ! Concerned eyes watches her and she sobers up.

"Alright guys, let's go have fun, then !"

 It's genuine. Really, it could have been much better -that’s pretty obvious, at this point- but it could also have been much, much worse. She takes her backpack, brushes off the snow and hands the other to Carmilla who also picks up the folded tent before she can even try to reach for it.

The Moon is starting its slow rise, walking slowly towards its throne of Queen of the Night. Distant screams of sorrow are tearing the night open when they stumble away in the darkness.

" It's calling." the vampire whispers between shadows and obstacles only she can distinguish properly.

They can feel the tug in their bones. Soft at first, getting more and more insistent as they linger in these woods ready to turn to dust. Shivers run down their spines and they move quicker, as fast as they can to be honest, with all the difficulties their environment raises against them. Carmilla is sliding quickly between branches and snickering whenever one of them gets hit in the face by one. Old habits don't change, even in situations like this.

 

 


	2. Each nights, Moon kisses Sun in a whisper and burns.

_Or of course you’re not tired, your eyes are falling shut because it’s fun._

 

This second day of fleeing is much like the precedent. Adrenaline running in their veins, they walk until their wobbly legs are about to give out under their weight and the Sun forcefully drags the day up in its path. They’re out of reach, it seems. Safe. At least, for now.

They get ready to eat a good meal before a few well deserved hours sleep. Well, what you could call a good meal being Laura trying to sneak in cookies to her friends in Perry’s back while she’s cooking -sort of, good luck for that in these conditions-. Little to say it doesn’t work at all. The floor don turns around and snatches the treats before handing them healthy plates. Really, how she managed to prepare that is beyond comprehension.

Then, with groans and full bellies, they begin to set everything up for the night. The tents are up faster this time though, as Carmilla finally seems to accept the help offered, -with disdain of course, who do you think she is- under the pretense that, after all she did died for them and therefore she shouldn't have to tire herself more with all of this since she could very well just lie down right there and not feel cold at all.

Or you know be in a cool place such as, I don’t know, my house ? And drink correct blood instead of sipping on this tasteless one with a bunch of dimwits around and- she enters the shelter mumbling more to herself than them, with a click of her tongue.

They look at each other before shrugging. Usual grumpy Carmilla. Almost feels like home to the group. They chat a little while, carefully avoiding the precarious context they’re in, until their bodies remind them of the tiring night of walking they've just had.

Laura walks towards the tent with a heavy sigh, her hands full of cookies. As she’s about to step in, an arm blocks her. She looks up to see Perry’s stern face. She sighs again and drop some cookies off in her extended hand. The floor don shakes her head and Laura rolls her eyes before leaving her -with regrets- the rest of her delicious sweets.  
She enters her tent with LaFontaine’s laughter in her ears. As whipped as the vampire, yeah yeah, Perry’s all for you, we’ll see who’s going to laugh now.  
Probably still them.

Zipping the door shut behind her, she’s surprised to see that her roommate is still very much awake. She crawls on all four to her bed, awkwardly passing over her backpack at the end of it. She snorts when she sees Carmilla reading before squinting to read the title. The First Man. She rolls her eyes.

“Camus, of course. I should have known. How many books did you even take ?”

The vampire doesn’t bother to answer and instead, turns a page deliberately slowly, a small smirk growing on her face. As expected, Laura huffs and reaches for her bag, pondering whether she should or shouldn't put her pajamas on. She opts for the latter, as they’ll have to leave quickly when the Moon will rises again. Plus, she’s exhausted. Though she’s not as terrified as she was when they were running away from the Loophiiforme, being scared is pretty tiring. Or maybe it’s the addition of a full night of walking and the terror of being caught by whatever that thing is. She shrugs slightly, the result is the same. She lies down, sighing in relief when her back hits the mattress. By Hogwarts, does it feel good. Another page being turned catches her attention.

“ Shouldn't you be sleeping already, aren't you tired ?”

Carmilla closes the book and puts it down next to her, before lowering herself and leaning on her elbow, smiling at the tiny human near. She winks.

“Again, vampire. I’m full on blood, cupcake. Plus, we're pretty much nocturnal.” she motions to herself and Laura laughs softly.

“Weakass humans needing rest, right ?”

Her voice is gentle, a smile hiding in the tone and so the vampire lies down, on her side, facing her. Her eyes seems to get lost for a moment and then she speaks softly. So softly it’s almost painful for Laura to hear.

“You know, even if I wanted to, I couldn't change back.”

This is a simple statement. There’s no resignation in it, she doesn’t say it in a pained voice but still, Laura hears it. The undertones of incertitude, of fear. Of loneliness. She scoots closer, to the end of the mattress, her hand leaving her side to cross the distance between them. She brushes her palm on Carmilla’s cheek and there’s fierceness shining in her eyes.

“I've never asked you to.”

Carmilla simply smiles and stays silent, leaning a little into her hand. I know what you are and I’m not asking you to change. Because what you are is enough for me. Because what you are is what I love. I accept who you are. Who you are as you are. I love you.  
The words hang in the air, unsaid. Unknown by any of them. All of this, they don’t know it. It’s a melody playing in their hearts and they can’t hear the notes yet. The music is pulsing in their veins and they can’t tell the key yet. The song stretching between them and they can’t distinguish the lyrics yet.  
But they will.

“Carm’, I-”

She stops herself when Carmilla turns her head and kisses her palm. She brings her hand up, linking their fingers together, still feeling the warmness of the human’s hand on her cheek.

“I know it’s not really the right time to talk about it but I th-

Ssh, cupcake. Now is not the time, indeed.” she whispers back.  
Laura sighs, itching to be closer to the vampire. She scoots until she’s out of her mattress, not caring about the rough ground under her. She's right in front of her roommate, a breath away. She feels it tickle her lips.

“I almost lost you Carmilla and I didn't even had had the time to- I don’t want to lose more time when we could just- you know.”

Carmilla smiles. Because really, this is so like her roommate to get lost in her own explanation. But she gets it. Since she came back from the dead, it feels like they’re running out of time every second. She kisses her forehead, closing her eyes when she hears the human sighs and feels her breath against her collarbone. She stays like that for a moment, allowing herself to just enjoy it. Then, she searches for her eyes.

“We will talk about it, but not now, you need rest, you silly human.”

Laura giggles and kisses her cheek, smiling as she’s sure she catches the hint of a blush on the vampire’s face. She bites on her bottom lip briefly, looking at Carmilla’s mouth but her roommate puts a hand on her shoulder and gently pushes her back, motioning to her bed with a movement of her head. It takes all of the vampire strength not to kiss the cute pout off the human's lips. Laura huffs and launches to kiss her on the corner of her lips before smiling again.

“You should try too. Again, long day tomorrow.”

Carmilla nods, watching her getting back on her own mattress, rolling herself into her sleeping bag. Such a cutie. There’s something like tenderness in her eyes as she closes them when Laura tells her again to stop reading and sleep in a voice heavy with sleep.

(She doesn’t say she tried but the ache in her body made it impossible.)

 

On their third day of running-Or you know, more like their 3rd night, they settle down earlier as the Sun hasn't yet crossed the horizon.  
Really, that monster could have woken up in the morning instead of fucking their sleep schedule up, making them run away in the night and sleeping when the sun absolutely want to kiss their faces.

The tents are up and this time, Carmilla actually tries to learn as she accept LaFontaine’s help. Let’s not mention Laura made her, she’ll deny it anyway. Since she's done it without groaning too loudly, they all try not to laugh when they see her sip her blood through a straw.

"What do you mean you only took cups and they are reserved for cocoa ?"

Armed of hot cocoas -Perry thinks it's best given their condition and none of them disagree- and more cookies that magically appeared from Laura's bag, they delay their well deserved sleep for a few more moments, to really relax a little bit. Their bodies need it but most of all, their minds. Because yes, running from a possible killing spree with no contact with the outer world and their other friends is a bit stressing. But only a bit, right.

"Really ? You only took cookies, Laura ?"

Laura’s bag is filled with some her stuff, soda cans and yes, numerous boxes of cookies. Other kind of food or drink ? None, why even would they need that, after all. The human nods, as if it was the most natural thing in the world and she swats Carmilla's hand away from her treats. No way she's going to eat some when she snarls about them.

(She does. They are delicious. As always.).

After a few laughs that warm up their hearts, Perry demands that they talk practical. Running off in the night is pretty complicated and they're really going to get hurt for good. Well. Not all of them, of course. The three humans throw a pointed look at Carmilla who, surprisingly doesn't have any sarcasm left to retort with. This should be some sort of a warning sign of how tired the vampire is. Or maybe she isn’t even listening. Really, none of them can tell at this point.

After looking once more at the map and LaFontaine doing a few more math, they decree that they aren't in immediate danger anymore and that they don't have to hurry as much as the previous days. There’s still the thing, but from what they've seen and calculated, its influence doesn’t seem to extend further.  
  
Almost as a reflex, all of them look up to the sky. Intact, no little tears, only clouds drifting peacefully. Yes, it’s been a few hours that the air has been feeling lighter. They hope it’ll stay this way and that LaFontaine is right. The monster has reached the peak of its influence. Which is kind of the first good new they've heard since they left.

These two nights of intense running and walking seem to have got them far enough to slow down their paces and get back into a "normal" schedule. Carmilla snorts at that but they're all too focused on the map to care.   
The safest way to reach the town they had spotted would take a bit longer than originally planned as they should get down a little off the mountains before going back up but on the bright side, they might have some phone reception, with a bit of luck.

Having luck would be a good change, thinks Laura.

Not having to actually run anymore -though, from LaFontaine's opinion, they shouldn't hang around here forever either, but that’s probably just because their ass is freezing- they could rest for the day and night and start walking at sunset. Everyone seems to approve this plan, the fact that they are beyond exhausted helping a lot to put all kind of concerns aside.

This day of break is being more than welcomed by everyone as they think about relaxing and resting and sleeping though there's a slight groan from the vampire when they mentions moving during the day. They finish to eat in silence -not only the cookies, luckily for them Perry's in the team- each of them listening closely to be sure they can't hear the monster anymore.

Tension is still tight in their muscles but slowly, it dissipates as only silence answer them. Even with super natural hearing. Which is a pretty good thing considering their situation.

It's a bit later than midday when they retreat back inside their tents, not knowing how they actually managed not to fall asleep in the first place.   
Laura falls into slumber right away, her small body crushed by hours of exhaustion she fought against. 

She only wakes up once, when it’s about 10 pm and she opens her eyes to see that the mattress next to hers is empty. She sighs and waits, lazily on her bed, a bit worried to be honest, until the vampire returns 2 hours later. Hadn't she just lost her after all ?

But as always, Carmilla comes back.

(With a shortness in her breath and sad eyes but she comes back and it’s all that matters.)

It's her hand in hers that she falls back into an endless oblivion devoid of dreams.  
They sleep soundly. So soundly they don't hear at all the noises coming from outside.  
Well, not until Laura wakes up to the screeching alarm she set on her phone, stretching in the small shelter after having slept for a good 15 hours at minimum. Which is a lot, even for her, so she's feeling a bit groggy but at the very least rested.

Her brows furrow as she hears groaning and fumbling around. Carmilla is not stirring a bit. Not surprising, considering that the first sun rays must have touched the ground long ago, now. The human wonders for the hundredth time how her roommate manages to sleep so soundly through everything but then she's poking her head outside and… retreating back, a blank look on her face.

She shakes Carmilla’s arm but nothing answers her, not even a stir. She gulps.   
That's troubles. Lot of troubles.   
She wonders if her friends in the other tent noticed. They probably did.

She pushes on her roommate again, willing her to wake up when her phone goes off with that be damned loud shrieking alarm and she freezes.   
She quickly fumbles with it to turn it off but the harm has been done and she feels sweat dripping on her palms as the groaning gets closer, turning into roars.

Throwing away all residual bits of gentleness she has, she shakes the vampire wildly, frankly terrified, screaming in her ears. Then, as she sees her move, she quickly grabs bear spray out of her bag -thanks dad !- and slipping her arm outside, she empties it in the air.

Howling of pain rings in her ears as Carmilla shots her a surprised look and sits up, her senses alert. There's a roar and more noise outside and the human can't help but screams too as she unzips the tent's thin door and point towards outside.

"Bear ! There's a bear ! Carmilla ! Do something ! Do something !"

A resigned sigh, a puff of smoke, cracking bones and said bear is suddenly facing a very angry -damn it, that bloody beast stole her a few precious minutes of sleep- and very big black cat.  
Who's hissing and approaching menacingly.

The wild animal seems to hesitate for a moment but something must have got the best of it because suddenly there's fight and scratches, and ugly screams.  
All the humans' heads poke out anxiously, watching as fear pools deep into their bellies, their eyes locked on what’s happening.

The gigantic black cat has her claws digging deep in her opponent's skin as its mouth violently clamps shut on her shoulder smearing angry crimson on the unstained snow.Howls of pain from both sides echo around them under the gazes of the humans who stare and stare and stare because what else can they do ? The two animals are tangled into each others, they can't take the risk to tackle one without risking to hurt the other.

They separate themselves, readiness dancing dangerously between the few steps separating them. The black cat -panther sized- is limping from the left side, her shoulder smeared with red but she keeps staring at the other animal, concentrated. The bear seems not to feel pain at all, despite the angry scarlet smearing its fur. Fueled with absolute fury and ragged breathing.

This is the moment when Laura chooses to enter in action. She grabs another bear spray and runs, screaming towards the beast to get its attention. Here ! It's turning around and she presses on the bottle -much like earlier- right in its furry face.

That, was incredibly reckless ! scream yellowed eyes at her. Well, maybe you're right answer scared deep browns. The animal angrily looks up at her, ready to charge and she stumbles backward, her mind racing with a string of okay I fucked up I fucked up real bad I fucked up.

Unadulterated wild rage is running towards her and she can already feel the pain ripping through her but a whisper of black fur is abruptly between them and a low growl vibrates in the air.

(A growl screaming with fierceness, danger and mine, mine, mine. )

The bear takes a small step back, a tiny bit of hesitation sweeping in but it's too late. Suddenly, the animal is lying in the snow, his throat a muddle of blood dripping down, staining the iced ground with scarlet.

"Okay so big ripping throat panther, alright. Okay. Normal."

LaFontaine's voice is surreal in the scene that just laid before their eyes. The feline painfully drags herself away from her prey's body, dark smoke following her through as, a few meters away, it slowly snatches itself from reality to reveal Carmilla's curled up body.   
The crimson tinting her skin is contrasting with the paleness it's ripping.

She's oh so still and Laura is on her side, carelessly, her name dying on her lips and shaking and fading. Her fingers tangle in black hair and she calls again, hurriedly. Exhaustion strains the pale face, eyes resolutely shut and Laura’s hands shake and she's whispering in her ear and she's breathing Carmilla's name over and over in something more reverent than a prayer.

Tremors under her fingers makes her quiver as two deep dark -and beautiful- eyes weakly look up at her. She motions for blood, urgently, not caring at all about the dead beast near when her friends cautiously avoid it.

And in her hands, there's blood dripping past avid lips, and on her skin there's blood smearing cream with vermilion and before her eyes there's blood dancing as she sees her dead again and lost and alone.  Alone in an endless night. In an endless pit. In an endless eternity.  
Fingers clutching on her own, mouth gasping out, croaking for help. More. More. More.

A second bag of the so called soy milk is pierced and finally -oh finally- she starts to heal and the river of carmine starts to peter out. Laura breathes, relief washing over her face when a timid red colors Carmilla’s cheeks as she sits up.

"No bear will touch you."

Laura laughs and laughs as she throws her arms around the vampire's neck, gently kissing her cheek and breathing her in because she's alive, and there, and real.   
All her worries are gone, Carmilla is healing, the bear's out, everything is okay, everything is okay. She leans back, quickly checking her roommate's body for any trace of still severely opened injuries. Only tiredness and drying blood answers her.

The wounds are still there, and her heart squeeze in her chest as how painful it must have been but there's no life pouring out of it anymore and she cautiously traces the lines of the deep scratches with the tips of her fingers.

"I'm fine." mutters the vampire with a grumble.

She makes a show to get up without a wince despite the sharp shot of pain that hits her. Ache flows from her left shoulder as she eyes it. The wound has almost stopped bleeding already. She frowns. Almost.

Three sets of eyes are watching her and she distances herself from the dull pain, a look of disinterest painting her face as she simply states she's ready to go and that they have to move. They quickly change into warm clothes, gather their stuff and put the tents down.

Carmilla stays there in the snow, eyeing her wound with a curious look in her eyes. She moves her shoulder gently, barely holding back the wince that tries to twist her features. It’s painful and it looks like she’s going to have to deal with this for a few days. It aches, but not in the same way the rest of her body does so she supposes it's going to be okay, at least. At least,  _this_ will heal.  
  
She shakes her head softly, there’s a time for everything and there are too many people around to think about it.  
When Laura offers to help her stand, she snaps abruptly, shrugging of the snow and getting up by herself. She’s not some weakass human who needs someone to watch over them.

Laura snarls back towards a turned back, as Carmilla is already strolling away. Stupid broody vampire who thinks she’s better than everyone.

And with that, the whole group is set in motion.  
On the way, LaFontaine theorizes about the animal's aggressiveness, wondering aloud if it could be related to the monster ripping Silas' grounds open.   
Laura nods also wondering and that's when Perry chirps in, always trying to make everything as normal as it could possibly be. Quite a hard job in these lands, you can at least give her that.  
A bit behind, they hear a loud snort from the vampire whose hand is shielding her face from the sun.

"It's the Thing. It's poisoning everything with its darkness. It stinks with evil everywhere."

And it’s in these moments, when Carmilla observes her surrounding with these trademark hollow eyes and such sadness in them that Laura wonders how many horrors she’s witnessed for them to look like that.

Everyone stops, suddenly feeling very exposed in these woods they don't know and filled with beings filled with the Loophiiforme's wrong influence.

They look around anxiously before Laura straighten her back up,  her fists closed, defiance dancing in her eyes as she watches straight forward and walks again with a determined pace. A real warrior, Carmilla admires. The two redheads follow her in silence, wariness still weighing their moves.

After a while, they start to chat again, timidly but there’s a blank in the conversations as the vampire seems to be totally disinterested in what they’re saying. Well, except for some snarky comments and cutting Laura off before she can retort with something.

Narrowed eyes, scrunched up face, tight lipped mouth, Carmilla is cranky. She’s been following them a little behind and all she does is snapping at them until the only exchange she has with anyone is throwing back angry looks at Laura who’s starting to get really pissed.

The vampire makes a point of ignoring the dull ache in her bones as she catches Perry when she slips, saving her from a nosedive in the snow. In a breath, LaFontaine is on her sides, quickly checking for any sprained ankle -or anything, really-, only breathing again when they realize the floor don has nothing.

"We'll have to be a bit more cautious with wilderness until that smell of malignancy fades away."

The words are heavy with disdain and Carmilla doesn’t seem to care about any of them.  
Laura turns around, some flames of barely contained anger burning in her eyes. It’s not like her rage is directed towards the vampire in particular -though she’s more than fed up with her current crankiness-  but everyone is tired and that doesn’t make them go all mean and aggressive.

She's so beyond that whole evilness thing and danger thing and that reality of possibly losing her friends thing.   
Nobody's telling her what to do, they will go on so maybe they'll have reception and she'll be there in time to get a real Christmas. A Christmas with her father.   
And she's tired, she's so damn tired she could sit down right there in the snow and fall asleep in a breath but they have to keep going so she does. But she's angry, oh so pissed off right now.

"Like you would care, you're going to heal anyway." She snaps back.

Two sets of shocked blue eyes stare at her and she almost feels bad at seeing her friends’ reaction. Both gingers look at each others, a bit surprised by that sudden burst of anger.  Carmilla's face closes up and Laura could swear she sees a flash of hurt briefly overwhelming her countenance. But a breath after, her eyes are harsh as her hand drops, barely blinking when the sun washes over her face and hardens her features. She nods curtly.

" Right."

She watches them a moment, then her eyes grow distant and she starts walking again, not caring about the Sun or them. They thought she didn't care about them earlier, the way she’s acting now prove them wrong. It’s like they don’t even exist to her at all.

It feels to them as she's not really present anymore. As if her body is there but Carmilla is gone. Her pace is quicker than earlier, she doesn't squint with the sunlight anymore, her body's stiff. She's a rock nothing can reach. And Laura bits on her bottom lip, already regretting the words leaving her mouth. Each of them were due to stress but that doesn't excuse her. She walks faster, until she’s walking next to her.

"I'm sorry." the human whispers.

But Carmilla either doesn't hear her or doesn't care, she can’t tell. Silence is slapped in her face as she tries to keep up with the vampire's pace.  
She realizes how wrong it was for her to snap at her that way when the girl literally just saved them not two hours ago and even got hurt. Whatever she’s healing or not, that mustn't have felt good. Not at all.

She tries to grasp her roommate's fingers but her hand is unemotionally swatted away and she flinches, remembrance of their early days hitting her hard. Her heart clenches at how cold her roommate is and how wrong it feels to her. How wrong that sudden distance between them feels though she knows she deserves every bit of anger thrown at her. There's a lump in her throat as she catches up on her, grabbing Carmilla's wrist, apologetic eyes meeting ice cold ones.

"Don't touch me. " she snatches her arm back, fire settling her dark eyes ablaze, melting all remains of ice in them. "Mother was right, vampires don't meddle with humans. Too weak and forgetful."

They are facing each others, and there's a brief hint of hopelessness dancing in her look as if she had hoped things would be different. But nothing ever was, right ?   
Mother has always been right and even now, even gone, she still is.  
This couldn't work, how could she ever hold on such a foolish dream that humans could understand. That they would see and accept. Mother warned her before and of course, she didn't listen. Did she ever in her decades of infinity ?  
Maybe it was out of stubbornness and rebellion, or maybe out of something else she doesn’t want to consider right now. Not when she feels something in her crack. Her face goes hard again so to not give her away.

(And nobody likes broken things, Mircalla.)

She's breathing sharp breaths in the cold -but suddenly burning- air, her chest rising and falling quickly as she can feel blood hammering at her temples. Anger warming her long cold skin up and if she closed her eyes, she’d almost fool herself into thinking she’s mortal again.  
Mother is gone, she doesn't have to listen to her anymore but for the first time, as she lays her eyes on the tiny human, freedom turns metallic.

"You know what ? You're right. I couldn't care less about you or Ginger Team over there." she snarls "Why would I care about daddy’s little girl who thinks being free has no cost."

Her face is inches from Laura's when she almost spits those words out with disgust. She disgusts herself for feeling so hurt. For being so weak. For proving Mother always has been right. She glares at the two redheads awkwardly standing a few feet away and starts walking again, each of her steps stomping in the snow.

Laura watches her walks away and all the air is gushing out of her lungs and she is breathless and there's a lump in her throat. She wants to throw up at how careless she’s been.  
At how much it hurts to realize that it’s not the first time she’s done that. Or the first person.   
Her legs give out under her, she's so tired, so tired and she's sitting in the snow, not caring about her pants getting wet. She buries her face in her hands and it takes all of strength not to sob. How dare she cry when she’s not the one who’s been hurt. She’s been upset, offended, angry at Carmilla’s mockeries about humans but it never felt really painful, at least, she doesn’t think so. It felt exasperating, infuriating, maddening but never hurtful.   
She’s human and doesn’t regret she is.

(Or does she ?)

Her friends give her apologetic looks, tentatively proposing comfort but she shrugs it off, telling them to go, that she would catch up on them. Don't stay far, they say, it's dangerous. They care so much about her but did she care about them when she put them all in danger ?  
Dangerous... what do all of them know about danger in the end ? There always has been someone there to back their asses up. She thought she was fighting by herself and for everyone, but in the end, she never did.

She's hugging her knees, her forehead resting on her kneecaps as she's trying to fight back tears threatening to fall when a hand lands on her shoulder, startling her.   
Fingers trace patterns on her neck, whispers of touches, hints of comfort. She looks up, with glassy eyes only to be met with apologetic and sad -oh so sad her stomach lurches again- night eyes.

"I'm sorry." breathes Carmilla, and really, she is.

And she's suddenly hugged very hard, arms thrown around her neck and a body launched on hers, throwing them both in the snow as she loses her balance, surprised. Soft hands cup her face and suddenly she’s staring into an endless forest of amber ready to swallow her up.  
And Carmilla would give in willingly.

Laura words are rushed, her voice a bit broken as she shakes her head slightly.

"No, no, no, don't apologize. I'm the one who has to apologize, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that earlier. It was out of line and really, Carmilla, I didn't-”

“I got it, you're stressed, cupcake, everyone is, it's okay. And I've been pretty cranky this whole morning, I realize."

And Laura looks helplessly at her. The vampire sounds so genuine it hurts because she seems so used to be discarded away. For her feelings to be stomped down as it they were meaningless. For being ushered back into the shadows she thinks she belongs in.

She gently caresses Carmilla’s cheek with her thumb, her eyes pleading.

"No it's not okay, it was uncalled for, I deserved your anger. You- You did a lot for all of us and I never really said thank you properly and I know you didn't do it for me but-"

A finger presses on her lips, with a quirk of an eyebrow and the human feel the tiniest bit of hope blossoms in her heart as a true smile spreads out on her roommate's face.

"I didn't do it for you, and here I am, my ass in the snow because, of course, you gotta ramble there, buttercup."

Carmilla’s eyes are smiling brighter than her lips are as she gets up, offering an hand to the -slightly- smaller girl who gladly takes it, brushing off the snow out of her clothes. Truce ? Truce.  
They stay like that for a second, hand in hand, lost in each other, a comfortable silence wrapping them up when they hear someone clearing their throat. They look around to see LaFontaine, impatient look plastered on their face, almost childish as they want to move already. Because please, keep bickering and being so disgustingly grossly crushing on each others if you want but at least do it while you’re walking.

The tension immediately leaves the group as they burst into laughter, freeing them. The bio major grabs Perry hand and start walking, urging for everyone to follow them. It's like 271 Kelvin out there, they're cold, they need to move. As Carmilla gets up, Laura grabs her by the sleeve.  
  
"Something's been bothering you."

The vampire freezes for a split of second and then raises her eyebrows, helping her roommate up.

"You mean running away from something we were supposed to have killed ?"

Laura gently punches on her uninjured shoulder.

"No, silly. I mean- Yes."

Carmilla gives a a pointed look and she frowns, shaking her head, deep in thoughts. From behind, the vampire can hear team ginger stopping and yep, that's LaFontaine being definitely whipped when Perry told them to wait for them a moment. She'll have to get back at them about that later. They aren't the only one who can laugh.

"Wait. Is this why- Do you feel like risking our lives wasn't worth the result ?"

Her roommate shakes her head. Silly, silly Laura. Of course it's worth it. They saved the people Laura wanted to save. Laura's alive. Of course it'd be worth it. Well, maybe the "unleashing an evil monster" part felt a bit as if all of it was for nothing though. Laura smiles, her cheeks reddening a bit. She still can't wrap her head around the fact that Carmilla did it for her, after all.

"Is that why you were so cranky ?"

"Something like that." Carmilla shrugs and turns around to leave, waiting for the human to follow her.

But Laura doesn't. Instead, she grabs her sleeve again, inching closer, her fingers gently tapping. She's biting on her bottom lip, her brow furrowed in concentration as she seems to be looking for something on the vampire's face. She must have found it.

"I feel like there's something else you're not telling me, Carm'."

Her eyes are worried and this is exactly why Carmilla doesn't want to have that discussion. She pulls Laura into a hug, hiding her face from her. That damn show the human made her watch is right. Never trust a hug, it's just a way to hide your face. Laura's surprised at first, but she quickly melts into her, immediately feeling warmer.

"It's alright, don't worry."

"Will you tell me ?"

It's Carmilla's turn to be surprised, and she pulls back to look at the human. It's not in her roommate's habits not to be pushy. We're talking about the girl who held her captive for 9 days over suspicions, here.  
And the lack of any attempts at discovering the truth is actually very worrying.

"Are you okay, cupcake ?"

Laura swats her arm in a smile. She's not that girl anymore, okay ? But seriously. They're roommates, they're friends, they're... whatever they are now, so if there's something wrong, it's okay, they'll figure it out.  
Carmilla simply smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She seems suddenly so tired and small. 

She motions with her head over LaFontaine who's deep in some scientific explanations while Perry look fascinated but also very, very lost. Laura smiles too and off they go.  
Soon the glee of adventure is back, with a few smiles as Carmilla fakes being absolutely uninterested and exasperated by their excited camp stories. She royally fails at being the least credible.

(She doesn't care.)

"I thought you didn't feel the cold, though ?”

“I don't really feel the unpleasant sensation of cold. But of melting snow, yes. I'm all wet now."

She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows at Laura who stars blushing furiously. The human grabs her hand and buries her face in it, hiding from snarky eyes. They hear a gagging noise from behind and turn around, only for Carmilla to throw a pointed look at LaFontaine who has their arm linked with Perry’s. Speaking of gross...

 

Night comes by quickly and they've started some kind of board game -courtesy of LaFontaine who is on the FUN side- when the vampire decides to retreat to her tent, throwing a few mocking goodnights around her because really, she can't help it, they're all too easy to tease.

Rolling her eyes, Laura follows her inside a few minutes later, brushing off the snow before entering because really Carmilla, this is going to melt and wet everything.   
Like clogging the shower drain, wetting the tent looks like it’s going to be a lost battle for the human before she even starts to fight. But she’s never been one to give up easily, she’ll make her do it or her name isn’t Laura Hollis.

Eyes closed, Carmilla arches an eyebrow and smiles slightly. Sitting on her self-inflating mattress, the tiny human listens closely. Still no more screams floating in the air, all good. They know they aren't exactly safe yet, but at least the sense of urgency is definitely gone and they can allow themselves a bit of good time.  
Smiling softly to herself, she puts her pajamas on and checks her phone one last time. Still no reception. How disappointing.

She bends down to put a gentle kiss on her fast asleep friend's forehead when a hand on her cheek stops her and suddenly she's staring into night eyes.  
Everything fades away as she’s falling into oblivion. God, she forgot how beautiful Carmilla is.

How comes it always feels like such a surprise to rediscover how incredibly stunning the vampire is. Is it some kind of power ?  
She'll have to ask her. But not now, oh no, not now. 

Moonlight tries to peek in the tent, febrile gleam seeping around them, distant light pooling at their feet but she doesn't notice as she's swimming in deep darkness and shining stars.  
There's a thumb brushing her mouth and she leans in, her own lips gently brushing the vampire's finger in a whisper of a kiss. And this is the softest feeling that settles in her heart as her hands run down Carmilla's bare arms. She gently lay downs on Carmilla’s chest, a breath away from her lips.  
They stay like that for splits of seconds in the brevity of life. For running minutes in the majesty of civilizations. For stretching hours in the immensity of time.

(Forever in the world they built.)

It's almost desperate when the vampire's hands tangle in her hair and she runs her fingers on Carmilla's sides, grasping slightly at the clothes, holding her close, as close as possible. Slipping her fingertips under the fabric and softly -as if it was the most precious thing in the world- brushing the skin there.

Under her palm, she feels old wounds already closed up, last reminders of Carmilla’s sacrifice for them. Sacrifice. What does she know about sacrifice.   
Soon, the pain that barred this skin will be nothing but a memory. She wishes all of the vampire's pain could fade into far memories the way these wounds will.

Suddenly, Laura kisses her, simply pressing her lips at first and then pouring herself into the immortal and there are tears in her eyes but she is there and she is there and she is alive and why would anything else matters than the fact that she is alive and there. She breaks less for air than to clear her thoughts, forehead against forehead and one breath swirling between them.

"You were dead for a long time." she whispers in the night and the silence, filling it up with more pain than she lets out.

And though Carmilla could point out that indeed she's been dead for a long long time, she understands the meaning hidden in the unsaid words. And she caresses her face, cupping her cheeks, gazing into her shining eyes and brushing tears away.

(Yes, cupcake, I'm glad I'm back too.)

The human laughs softly at the touch and the proximity, droplets of salty water running down slender fingers. Unadulterated joy blossoms in her because she's there and she’s touching her and this is real, this is reality, the living nightmare is over. It’s days after Carmilla is brought back from death that Laura actually understands what it means to her. That she knows all the things she should have said. And the things she will say when given the opportunity.

She kisses her one last time and the urgency and desperation are gone only to leave room for slow and genuine happiness. Tenderness warming up their skins.  
She lies down on Carmilla, her own steady pulse echoing into the vampire's body. Laura looks up and when her roommate lightly nods, she brings the covers over them, settling comfortably in warmness.

And she sighs, because it feels like belonging and safeness and eternity. Eternity, lifetime, forever. Do they have it ? Do she wants to have it ?

Her face is against the vampire’s heart as she closes her eyes when two strong arms wrap around her wordlessly. Carmilla gently kisses her hair, bringing them to sleep. The tiny human's strong, oh so strong she kept going whatever it cost her. To risk her life. To lose her friends. To know she wouldn't get home on time.  
That maybe, there's a risk she won't get home at all.

(But this, this scenario won't happen, she swore a long time ago)

And she kept going.  
Because the girl's a fighter, a little warrior. But every warrior needs rest. And every fighters needs to be held sometimes when the battle is over but war is still whispering in their ears.

And so, she does.

 

 


	3. Sun is the reason Moon shines in the night.

_Or also known as : What the fuck, Styria._

 

"Here !"

They can hear a cheer up there and barely have the time to make out her body from where they stand that she's throwing herself backward, hanging upside down from a branch by her knees, waving frantically her hand at her friends. Who look just about to pass out from her sudden little trick. Well, except for the vampire who doesn’t seem bothered, her book firmly in her hands.

"Cell reception !” she squeals, her face scrunching into a warm and excited smile.

“About fucking time after 20 days with these dimwits." Carmilla mutters through clenched teeth, eyes riveted on what’s she’s reading. Oh, so she _is_ listening, after all.

The girl smiles widely at them and start typing on her phone before frowning, her hair cascading around her face in messy knots. She groans and pockets her phone as she throws her other hand towards the ground, fingers wiggling.

"Carm', I need your phone."

The vampire barely casts her a glance, not losing her line on her page, too engrossed by her book to care. Or just not caring enough to care, you know, the usual. Laura huffs before reaching for some snow resting on a nearby branch and throwing it at her roommate. Of course she misses her but that's enough for Carmilla to look up and glare at her. Her eyes widen a little because of her position and she almost smiles at the girl's red face with a mix of excitation and rushing blood from being upside down.

"And why would you need my phone, cupcake ?

My phone won't let me call my dad, just give it to me."

Carmilla snorts, her eyes falling back on her book, making a show of slowly and as loudly as possible turning the creaky page. This is starting to become an habit, really. She brushes off some snow that has fallen on her leather pants. Her name exasperatedly being called again, she scowls at the figure hanging over her head. Laura waves at her, motioning with her hands for the vampire to come up with her.

"No way I'm going up there, sweetheart.

C'mon Carm' ! You're like basically a cat, just come and hand it to me !

No. Get down and I might consider."

The girl huffs before throwing a handful of snow again -why can’t she get her ? Is that some kind of vampire thing ? snow repulsion power ?- at her roommate who jumps on her feet this time, pointing a menacing finger at her.

"There's no cell reception down there !

I don't fucking care, I. am. not. coming. up."

Carmilla spits a few threats for good measure before reaching for cold snow and throwing it at the human. Of course, she gets her square in the face which makes her burst into a fit of hysterical laughter under Laura's angry gaze.

"You'll pay for that."

The vampire keeps laughing, almost maniacally because any menaces from the girl who's still hanging upside down is just ridiculous in that position. More snow falls into black hair as a branch angrily is being shook over her head. Laura is wildly shaking branches, snow heavily falling on the ground all around Carmilla who's craning her neck to look at her, her arms up in the air, a menacing look on her features. They start threatening each others.  
One down to the ground and the other up in the air. Soon, it becomes all about power, really. The human won't slide down and thus give up and Carmilla has absolutely no-thing to lose at staying right there where she is, cupcake.

Huffings, an incredible amount of snow being thrown, pointing fingers, half screamed threats and insults… Really, LaFontaine could have watched them bicker for much longer from the safe distance they are but on the corner of their eyes, they can see Perry coming closer, her phone in her hand. The floor don shows them the tiny bar of reception and they smile, reaching for their own. Yup, reception down there too. It's gonna be a _blast_. They try not to let their repressed laughter be heard.

"Reception here too." They calls.

Laura looks at them and from what they can see, she looks baffled, her upper body suddenly going slack as an "Ha. _HA._ " of victory echoes around them. Carmilla winks at the girl and slumps down against the trunk. Before her ass reaches the ground, her book's already open and she's reading again. Laura quickly gets down and squats next to her, poking hard into her shoulder.

She keeps pushing the vampire slightly despite the exasperated huffs she gets. Her face is twisted with a mischievous smile and she doesn't stop, oh no she doesn't. Suddenly, Carmilla throws her book on her legs, whipping her head towards the human.

" WHAT !" she snaps.

Laura laughs at her with that full hearted sunny laugh that could warm the iciest heart and then, she kisses her cheek, her eyes shining with amusement. Carmilla picks her book up, almost shoving her face in it and she grumbles loudly. But as the human slowly pulls back to get to LaFontaine, she blindly grabs her hand and squeezes lightly, her eyes not leaving her book.

(Do it again.)

The tiny girl quickly squats once again and brushes her lips against her cheek before getting up and walking towards her friends. The vampire doesn't look away from her book but the hint of a smile tugs at her lips. Looking at Perry with furrowed brows, the bio major tries for the second time to call their mother but again, it doesn't ring. Odd. Laura comes closer, hope painting her features but they shrug. The girl wiggle her fingers, hand extended in their direction with a smile.

"May I try my dad ?"

She's handed the phone but it doesn't ring either and so she starts typing furiously, her huffed breaths dissolving in the cold air.  
LaFontaine touches Perry's hand as she tries with her own phone but there's no sound, the line seems to be dead to every numbers she tries to call. She looks so distraught that the bio major feels like they have to make her smile.

Because if there's one thing they're absolutely sure of, it's that Perry's smile must be from another world because something so beautiful cannot belong to such a wrecked place. They come closer, whispering words in her ear until a crystal laughter sings to their own and they can't help but grin because it's the most beautiful symphony they've ever heard. Every time, it always feels more beautiful. And they always stay baffled for a second since they were a kid, wondering how someone so perfect could walk amongst them.

Laura chooses that moment to look at the two of them with hope written all over her face and motioning towards the floor don's phone with her head. Of course she's still clutching LaFontaine's in her hands like her life depends on it but they don't mind. They understand their friend and they pull a face when Perry shakes her head no. Their collective groan leaving them gets Carmilla's attention -had Laura known…- and her head pops up before she furrows her eyebrows at them and puts her book away on her stretched legs.

"What the fuck." she mutters.

Laura comes to flop next to her, fumbling with LaFontaine's phone as Carmilla takes hers and tries too. Which is, when you come to think about it, completely useless since already three phones out of four aren't working but eh, who hasn't ever tried something just for the sake of it ?

"Twitter seems to work. That's weird."

Really, Laura ? Twitter as your second main preoccupation ? LaFontaine rolls their eyes so hard they think they might fly into space at this point. In these conditions, seriously ? But the girl has jumped on her feet and is waving their phone - you know, she can't use hers, it's so antic you’d wonder if you should give it to a museum or not- in front of their face and they have no choice but to admit that it does work. She comes flop next to Carmilla -again, LaFontaine notices with a smile- and shows her discovery to the vampire too.

"What the fuck Styria." she breathes and Laura bursts out laughing, her head falling onto her shoulder as she starts typing.

"What are you doing ?"

The human doesn't bother answering her and when Carmilla's phone vibrates, she sighs, her eyes briefly leaving her book.

"Really, cupcake ? Tweeting ? Right now ?"

The girl's head shots from her shoulder and there's a wide, wide, wide smile stretching her lips as she nudges her shoulder. Laura keeps smiling as she plops her head down on her roommate's laps despite the snow wetting the rest of her pants - they were already pretty dirty anyway- and she boops her nose with the tip of her index. Carmilla raises an eyebrow at her, and really she's gonna have to make her lose that shit eating grin the human’s giving her.

"Aww you're following me."

The vampire moves her book out of the way to have a better look at Laura who's still watching her with a wicked grin. She lightly drums on the girl's forehead with the tips of her fingers until she relaxes. Then she shoves her book in her face muttering in a language that certainly isn't English but Laura can pretty much guess it must mean something along the lines of shut up.

Her roommate laughs loudly before sitting up, her eyes meeting Carmilla's. She beams at her, half leaning on her laps and it's like the sun has come down to illuminate everything around them and the vampire can't help the corner of her lips going up. Perry tugs at the bio major arm and smile at them, nodding towards their two friends. LaFontaine grins, happy for them. They clasps Perry's hand and beam at her before clearing their throat loudly. Carmilla snaps back from the human's gaze and turns towards the Ginger team with a face that is supposed to be disinterested but really it doesn't fool anyone anymore.

(She's not sure she still wants it to.)

She nods when they suggest the group start moving again because it's pretty cold and really, they'd like to find a town soon enough. Or somewhere where they actually would be able to call someone, since apparently Styria is weird enough to have some cell reception but only for like social medias because that’s like the most important thing, right Laura ? This place is so bizarre, none of them is very eager to stay in these woods. Also there are a few things they're more than certainly missing. Such as showers. And proper toilets. And pretty much everything.

Chatting with Ginger One and Two about the best plan for the day, she doesn't notice Laura completely zoning out, gazing at her as if she is a wonder of the world. Maybe she is, from the way she sees her. Sometimes she wishes the vampire could see herself through her own eyes so she'd realize how beautiful of a being she is.  
It takes her a while to realize that Carmilla has stopped talking and that all of them are looking at her, probably waiting for an answer. She curses internally.

" Huh… Yes, yes, alright, okay, I guess."

A chuckle comes out of LaFontaine who's got their bag dropped in their arms by Perry before being dragged away by the hand, soft laughter echoing with theirs as they start to walk.

"Don't stay too far, crush-on-vampire !" they call behind their shoulder.

The floor don squeezes their fingers and they laugh even louder. Really, who would have thought that running away could be so exhilarating and funny after all. They didn't regret one second being with their friends and, of course, Perry. Laura sticks her tongue at them until a palm lightly grazes her cheek. She leans into it, nuzzling gently as a thumb softly brushes her skin. She quickly look to see how far their friends are when she sobers up, her features growing more serious as she seems to be looking for something. Carmilla tenses slightly.

There has been something different about the vampire, her roommate knows it. It's subtle, really and she's not sure if there's really something or if her brain is playing tricks on her. But there's something that has changed, though she cannot put her finger on it.

"When we fought 20 days ago, you told me you'd tell me what's going on."

Carmilla sighs, her shoulders slackening. Of course. Of course her nosy, investigatory, caring roommate would ask again. Would see through the carefully hidden winces and absent looks. Would notice that she's been reading the same page for an hour. Would hear her leave at night.  
And it's for all these reasons and that worried look Laura's giving her that she doesn't want to tell her.  
She's a vampire. Vampires are strong, they don't cry, they don't feel pain.  
They transcend time and walk through eternity.  
They're monsters to some.  
And she's all that.  
All of it.

" You're always eluding when I try to ask, Carm'. I don't want to be pushy but-"

Carmilla closes her eyes, shying away from liquid amber staring at her, trying to see past her multiple walls. Hasn't this girl passed through most of them already ? She can't look at her, not like this. She's not sure of what's going on, the ache has lessened. There's a warmness in her heart she can't talk about either, she can't do that to her. Her blood is still singing with thirst. Laura places one hand on her cheek, gently turning her face towards her. It's a soft touch, that makes night eyes flutter open to look at hers. To find peace, warm and acceptance in them. Or at least, she hopes that's what the vampire see.

"Don't hide from me, please."  
  
Her tone is pleading but the vampire shakes her head. No, not until she's absolutely sure. She's not doing this, giving her... whatever she'll feel when she's not one hundred percent sure that what she's going to say is the correct thing. So she smiles, with that smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and Laura doesn't push more. If there's one subject she learned to drop since they left Silas, it's this one amongst a few others.  
She's still a bit worried but as always, her roommate sounds reassuring enough for her to let it go.

Carmilla gently kisses her on the forehead and gets up, offering her hand for her to do the same. She picks their bags up, and they start walking, quickly catching up on the gingers. The vampire keeps her fingers wrapped around hers.

 

Of course, after a while Carmilla has to roll her eyes when the ginger team and her have to watch the tiniest girl of the team walking ever so slowly, her face inches from LaFontaine's phone (yep, she kept it since they don't need it for now) and typing.

"Here we go... She has to tweet about everything, now. ",the vampire sighs, "What are you even tweeting about ? Oh my God you will NOT believe what I just saw, dear viewers… Snow ! And mountains ! And trees ! Lots of trees, unbelievable !"

Laura narrows her eyes at her, -that wasn't even a good impersonation !-, before catching up on them.  
She hopes her dad can see her tweets, though she very much doubts it considering his distaste for social medias and the aneurysm he'd have if he knew how much she said on these. She wishes he's not too worried and that she'll be able to call him soon, though. She mutters something about greasy hair and smelling and what she'd give for a good shower right now and frankly, everyone's thinking the same. And she can't even ask when they'll arrive since they don't even know when they'll get to the nearest town !  
She's pretty sure they're lost but LaFontaine says they know where they're going and really, she doesn't have much choice but to trust them on this. So much for the giddy mood of earlier.

Puffing out smoke, Carmilla nudges her shoulder only for the tiny human to pout a little harder. No really, it was fun being with friends and all but after 20 days without showering it really starts to annoy her. Especially the fact that the vampire still smells really good despite the lack of proper place to stay and everything.  
Except their tent and what was in their bags -that are starting to get lighter and lighter-, they have nothing.

Well, for all of their defense, what Carmilla has been doing is a no-no for them. They can't just hop into some river and get clean in it without screaming because the water is just above 0. Or you know, freeze to death, Titanic like.  
LaFontaine absolutely wanted to wash their hair the other day and frankly, being a bio major and all, they'd have figured out it was a bad idea but they did it anyway and looked at all of them very proudly for about an hour before their hair froze in the cold wind.  
And a strand stayed in their hand.

To this day, none of them actually wants to wash their hair in these conditions. Carmilla included. But the rest of their body ? Hell yes. They do wash but it's such a pain in the ass and they can't actually get wholly in the waters because clearly, none of them has a death wish.

Laura eyes the vampire's cigarette and sighs loudly.

"How even do you still have some of these after 20 days ?

Had three packs, creampuff."

The human doesn't comment on how deadly those things can be because, clearly, Carmilla isn't concerned at all. She groans at the idea of walking for hours before the evening gets there, could this day be over already ? She's tired, damn it and all she wants is to whine an "Are we there yet ?" but she knows it's no use and that infuriates her more. Where are they even going, she doesn't know anymore. She huffs in annoyance.

"Stop pouting, cutie."

Carmilla gently bumps her shoulder with a soft smile and wink. The tiny girl shrugs and takes out her friend's phone, eyeing the mountains with bored eyes. Really, they suddenly lost all of their interest suddenly. They're just looking all the same, how boring. The vampire raises an eyebrow at her and she sticks her tongue out at her. Yes okay, she's right, she's tweeting about everything now that it works. Whatever, what's the big deal, anyway ?  
She suddenly runs into a stretched arm that slams into her face.

"Ow-", she mutters, "What in Hogwarts- "

"Bear." whispers LaFontaine on her left.

Well shit. She stares at the animal near them, calmly minding its own business for now. What even are those forests, bloody Dark Ages ? She holds tightly on the bio major's phone with one hand, her journalistic practiced reflexes kicking in. First, she quickly writes in drafts some thoughts about mountains. Indeed they aren't just peaceful landscapes but they also can be filled by bears. She smiles when she hears Carmilla inches closer to her, her fingers brushing hers.

"Buttercup…" the vampire mouths, eyeing her warningly.

But it's already too late, second part of her Super Journalistic Plan on Mountains True Nature Exposure has been launched and she snaps the surely incredible picture with a loud loud noise from the device. She scrunches her face, almost jumping in surprise at the sound. Who made these so noisy, in all seriousness ? Like, what was the point in making these things as loud as a bloody gong.  
The bear turns its head in their direction and she freezes, phone hanging in the air.

"Huh…" she breathes.

Three pairs of angry eyes are looking at her and she smiles awkwardly. Then, the animal seems to really notices them and it feels like their third day all over again.

"Run !" screams LaFontaine.

And off they go, running like their asses are on fire. Or like their lives depend on it. Which sounds pretty close to their current situation, we have to give them that.  
They leap on their left in a single motion, going down slope towards the valley, tumbling on their way to safety. Or at least they hope. The snow and frozen grounds make everything slippery and they almost fall many times until a whine is heard from slightly behind them.  
It's Laura who suddenly starts hopping on one foot, groaning angrily and muttering curses under her breath. Some shuffling comes closer and she starts running again, whining each time her left feet touches the earth. Luckily for them, the bear doesn't seem to want to get closer to them when they get to the end of the slope. It's probably as lazy as Carmilla is. After, it scared them off from its food and that's all that matters.  
  
Their chests are heaving and all of them are glaring at the tiny girl, wheezing, when she jumps on her right foot, thrashing her hands around and growling.

"Shucks !" she half-screams " Shucks. Shucks. SHUCKS ! Shouldn't these bloody things be hibernating or what ?!"

She plops down, her ass in the snow, her hands coming to circle her ankle as her face twists in pain. Immediately, Perry's on her knees, gently taking her foot as well as an handful of snow that she gently presses on the skin. Laura whines because of the coldness but blue eyes snap up and under the stern gaze, she stops whining. Alright, no complaining about the icy cold because all of this is a bit of her fault. Well, almost all of her fault to be honest… Okay okay ! It's all her fault, fine, geez !

Perry wiggles her fingers in the air and LaFontaine falls on their knees next to her, backpack wide open, already ruffling for bandages.  
They're used to all of this, considering all the times they injured themselves in the labs. Not their fault, though ! Who knew that working with some guy from the Alchemy Club could end in their products exploding and slapping tentacles coming out of woodplanks. Awesome time, though. They'd do it again, only for their friend’s stern look as they came back to their dorm and she immediately rushed to fix them. Her face was glorious when they told them what had happened. Especially the tentacles part.

They hand all the stuff to the floor don who's still rubbing some snow on Laura's ankle. She pops open a tube of cream and putting some on the skin, she carefully massages it. Then, she proceed to bandage it as gently as she can, only earning a slight wince from the girl.

"Luckily for you, it's not too serious, it should feel less painful soon. Try not to put too much weight on it."

Carmilla snorts loudly and the human glares at her, feeling like her 5 years old self all over again at her roommate's mocking face. She gets up, very dignified as if nothing happened before a small "aah" escapes her lips when she puts her foot down. Concerned eyes look up at her and she shoots her hand up at the two Ginger heads, looking straight before her, her face as blank as she can muster it.  
She's fine. F i n e.

She walks briskly, trying to hide her winces as she catches up on Carmilla's pace. Of course the vampire wouldn't slow down for her, especially not right now. She resists the urge to throw a bunch of snow at her. That, too, as become an habit recently. LaFontaine helps Perry up, sliding briefly their hand on her arm when they start moving too.

After a while -a very short while, really- the vampire sighs loudly, letting all of the useless air leaves her lungs and dissolve into the cold wind, exasperated. Laura's soft moan of pain echoes her. Why she’s gone with these dimwits in awful conditions when she could have been in her house that has been waiting for her, is beyond her. Images of a comfortable bed and a nice, warm open fire dance before her eyes. Another whine interrupts her thoughts and she's met again by the sight of the infinity of the blanket snow covering the earth and the countless sleeping trees sprinkling a snore of mountains. She can't say she doesn't find them beautiful.

"Oh for fuck's sake !"

Carmilla quickly steps backward and, as she feels the human presence behind her, bends down and reaches out, her hands grabbing her thighs. She pulls the girl towards herself before she can protests and Laura falls on the vampire’s back with a cry of surprise. Then, Carmilla gets up, securing her with her arms before running lightly to catch up on Ginger Number 1 and  Number 2 as if the human weights nothing to her. Which is more than probably the case.

"Wha- What are you doing ?!

You're slowing everyone down, cupcake."

Laura struggles a little but quickly gives up as, she has to admit it, the vampire has a point. Plus she doesn't seem to be fazed the slightest at her vain attempts to be put down. She slumps down on her, her arms resting on Carmilla's shoulders, sighing. LaFontaine winks at her and mouths "crush-on-vampire" when they pass them, and she crosses her eyes at them. She turns around to watch their shit eating grin getting slightly farther and farther as her roommate seems to want to walk fast, despite the heavy clouds watching them, ready to bury them under heavy snow anytime soon. Or maybe, that's exactly because of said clouds.

She makes a face at them before reaching for their phone that she waves a little in her hand with a wicked smile before turning back and leaning on the vampire. The bio major rolls their eyes, they're sure they're going to fly to space before they get back home and refocuses their attention on Perry who's talking about some subject they don't really care the slightest about but since it's Perry, it's the most interesting thing in the world.

The journalist in becoming starts by scrolling the pictures she's taken this very day and stifles a laugh when she reaches a blurry photo of Perry, LaFontaine and Carmilla running with the most hilarious faces. She hits a button and takes her own phone out. She needs to keep that one for posterity.

Then she remembers she had wanted earlier to share something with the world as she decides which pictures of the bear she wants to keep, and which ones are too blurry for any use. She starts typing her very important information that all of her numerous followers _need_ to know. Yes, the mountains may look peaceful but she has to add another tweet to her previous statement she sent earlier. Because they are, indeed, full of bears and this is some high relevant information they need to know for their safety. Who knows, maybe some Silas students are still roaming those forests. She hopes Danny and the girls are all right. Same goes for Kirsh and his bros. Maybe the groups met somewhere. She can only imagine the sparkle of possible war this scenario could lead to but she smiles anyway, because the Summer Society girl seems to get along with him. Well. Maybe not get along. Tolerating him would be more correct but her guts are telling her that the two could very be good friends.

A low grunt from Carmilla reminds her that she's carried piggyback style and her eyes land on her foot. She quickly deletes the beginning of her tweet before typing again. Mountains are merciless. And jerks ! Full of bears and nasty stones that are there with the only purpose of hurting you. She hits the buttons with rage, sending a warning to everyone.  
As a good journalist would do of course out of concern for their peers. And maybe because it still hurts a little.

"You know you probably wouldn't have been hurt if you didn't have to tweet about everything ?"

Laura lightly smacks her on the neck. Yes, she knows, thank you but this is more important than it looks. It might save someone, who knows ! Her roommate snorts.  
She sighs, bored. These days of walking all look the same, it feels as if they're blending together.  
She suddenly wonders if that's what immortality feels like. What an odd thought to have. Probably because she's going out with a supernatural being. Wait- are they even together ? She realizes that in 20 days, they never spoke about it. It feels just so natural to brushes her cheek or stealing a kiss sometimes or take her hand. She wonders if Carmilla exactly feels the same way or if eternity changes the way you perceive things. 300 hundred years… A day must feel like a drop in the ocean. How does it feel to have your days blending together ?

"How does immortality feel like anyway, you centuries old vampire-knows-it-all ?" she blurts out.

She regrets the words leaving her mouth as soon as she feels Carmilla tense up. That’s a bit unexpected without the inner monologue she just had in her head. She bits her lips, scrapping her stupid stupid _stupid_ brain for something to say that would turn her sentence differently. She stutters a little because yes that's what she meant but that's not what she means either. She simply wants to know how time feels when you have eternity in your hands and it takes her way too long, she thinks, to explain it to the vampire.

"It scares you that one day you'll blink and everything you love will have suddenly turned to dust slipping between your fingers. Away from you."

The words are breathed so softly, it feels like it's the wind that pronounced them. They sound indifferent, blank from another dimension where everything is colorless but Laura hears the undertones of endless pain laced with the loneliness of centuries. She realizes she doesn't know any of Carmilla's friends except them. Does she have vampire friends or did she spend ages with only her mother, brother and these girls she brings at night for sole company, and salvation from an unlimited void ?

(Infinity feels like barriers keeping you out of the world. Eternity feels like you're made of ashes. This new freedom she’s just been given feels like infinite eternity.)

Laura wraps her arms a little more around Carmilla, brushing her hair, her face, her neck with her hands, wishing the pain would leave the tense shoulders. She kisses her temples, lips a breath from her ears. I'm right here, wraps the vampire safely. Offers her a home where she can rest. Carmilla sighs softly, leaning gently into the touches. It feels warm where there was only clutching ice.

"I'm sorry you're immortal."

And really, she never thought she'd ever say such a thing. She used to think that immortality was the best gift one being could have in its life. That it meant endless years of epic adventures and limitless knowledge enriched by an infinity of days. But now, learning about Carmilla a little more every days, she realizes it's all different.  
That eternity doesn't have that much of good sides.

She thought about it, these past weeks, getting to know the vampires better and thus this supernatural world she was unaware of. But it never hurt that much thinking about it before. Immortals… They go through time, swimming in it as you'd crawl into ocean. Forever.

Sometimes, maybe, she supposes they'd wonder if they're going to sink and finally die. But most of the universe's laws don't apply to them.  
No, she knows she's wrong when she scowls at Carmilla, she does have all the time in the world to do that, or learn that or go there. No she's wrong, this isn't risky, this isn't reckless, this can't kill her. She's alive but lifeless and when she brushes her hands on her chest, there's no heartbeat that answers her. It was unsettling at first.  
Carmilla brings her hand down her uninjured calf, squeezing gently, briefly pulling Laura out of her thoughts.

"I can hear you wrack your brain from here, cutie."

The tiny human leans her head on her shoulder and watches a smile tugs at her lips, her eyes lost in the endless path of snow opened to them. Laura sighs softly, one finger absently tracing what she can reach of her features. Immortals, they walk through time without really noticing anything. Only a few things can catch their attention because they've seen so much and for so long. They're centuries old. Thousand years old. She wonders how much her roommate has seen and forgotten as years flew away from her. It must feel to Carmilla as if she doesn't really belong to the world she's supposed to live in. Maybe she's more of a traveler than a liver. She walks and sees but doesn't stop.  
Laura sucks in a soft breath, thinking about all these thoughts that must swivel into the vampire's head that nobody's aware of.  
Does is aches, eternity ? Is everything an harsh reminder of her reality ? Everything, it'll fade away from her until there's only dust in her hands, yes. She doesn't belong anywhere, in this sense. She's not really in this world, with these people. The tiny human begins to understand the words uttered earlier and it hurts. It hurts as if she'd been punched because she never thought about all of this. Sometimes, there must be someone grasping at their fingers of immortals, pulling them back in this universe. This universe that has been stripped from Carmilla the day she was murdered. Ell did, she knows that. Maybe she did. Maybe she brought her back to this world for a time. It must be painful for her. No, it _is_ painful, for sure, to be aware of all the fading things and everything that can touch her heart. Her memories. That can hurt her.  
Maybe that's why the snarls and the brooding, staying away from everything as much as possible. Away from pain. Away from home. Away from love.  
Maybe not. Maybe that's just… Carmilla. And she wouldn't have her any other way.

And, in the end, they're back in this universe, Carmilla's back to this world because Laura tugged and tugged, pulling her close. Making her look. And she knows the vampire has been happy. And she knows her roommate doesn't regret being there right now. Or at least, she hopes so. And she knows that, in her own weird ways that don't come from her vampiric conditions (she's certain of that), Carmilla loves her.

She pulls back suddenly, earning a quick glance from the other girl. She dismisses it with a wave of her hand. It's the first time she's thought about Carmilla loving her. Like… more than liking  _liking_ her. It makes her think about her own feelings, and the warmness in her heart each time the vampire touches her that she can't quite put a name on. Does she even love her ? Like… She turned her back on Ell, but it was for all of their sakes, right ? She threw herself in death, Blade of Hastur firmly in her hands for all of them.

Laura gently kisses dark hair. She's so strong and brave, risking her life for others. For people she knows will die anyway at some point when she won't.  
These people she saved who will soon grow old and change and be involved in a world she doesn't belong in with her eternal 18 years. Soon, these people she saved will be adults with their lives of their own, all forged from their own will when she won't have changed a bit, still unfazed by the world around her. Soon, these people she saved will turn to dust in her hands. And probably she'll have to leave before.

And the sole idea of Carmilla being alone by herself again for an infinity of eternities makes Laura wonder about death and clutching at her shoulders and forever. There's so much she still doesn't know about the vampire and though her lips are burning with new questions, they remain shut, as she knows she'll learn everything in due time. I'm sorry, she repeats, because she really is, on so many levels. She wishes they could stop so she could explain all of them to her. Carmilla shrugs.

"Everything has an end." she states simply.

And Laura finds herself at loss for words, gripping at the vampire's shoulders, burying her face in dark hair. Not a part of this world. But her heart, her heart, heart beating human heart. Her heart, it aches with the love for another world, the desire of another dimension, the urge to have their universes blend into one.

(But this, she doesn't know yet.)

She sighs softly, she should watch her mouth before she talks. She caused enough pain. _Go run and hide_ explodes in her mind and she shudders. God, what had she done. So, she does what she does best. She rambles. And rambles and rambles and she can see the corner of Carmilla's mouth twitching away a smile. Such a nerd, she mutters and Laura laughs and it's freeing and the most beautiful song to the vampire's ears.  
They love each other and they're so clueless.

They bounce back from one subject to another, Carmilla happily participating with her extensive knowledge of history. Really, cupcake, there's so much bullshit in your textbooks, you should hand them to me.

(No way Laura's letting her touch her textbooks again. Last time, Carmilla crossed out in red ink everything that was inaccurate.)

After a while, the vampire stops talking at the end of what has been a fascinating history lesson on Parnassianism (really overrated) and symbolism (much better) that Laura attentively listened to for a good 5 minutes before letting Carmilla's voice lulls her. The vampire almost trips on a rock and mutters under her breath, shooting a deadly glare at LaFontaine who smirks at her. She walks faster ahead, her head up, like the badass she is.

"You ok there, creampuff ? Haven't heard you ramble for a good 2 whole minutes."

When nothing answers her, she turns her head and breaks into a smile at the adorableness of a sleeping Laura. She readjusts her gently, trying to make her more comfortable and walks more carefully for the rest of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates.


	4. Oh, when is there a nighty Sun ?

_Or tears, laughter, hunger and being lost in the same day don’t make it a good one._

 

They decide not to go further for today and, frankly, Carmilla's relieved because she can't feel her legs, her back and her arms anymore. She gently lowers Laura to the ground, managing to only wince slightly in the process. She sits on the blanket Perry spread out and sets the sleeping human, without waking her up, half on her laps. She absently runs her hand into clearer hair as she watches the bio major struggles with the fire.

Their hands are shaking from the cold and they have to take their gloves off to try to lit a fire up. The days are manageable but when the night falls, it just is almost unbearable. They huffs. It feels as if their fingers are going to fall and not a single flame rewards them. They're getting frustrated but mostly they're cold, cold, cold. They shiver when the icy wind slaps them in the face.

And so do Perry and Laura.

A sudden fire starts at their feet and they stumble backwards -almost falling but don’t tell anyone-, in surprise. Looking up, they can see the vampire’s chest heaving with effort. She seems out of breath and that's when it hits them.

"Oh ! Right !"

Carmilla seems back to the contemplation of the human on her laps and they almost roll their eyes at how disgusting these two are when they suddenly narrow their eyes at her. They walk swiftly to her, squatting so their face is right in front of hers. They wait until she looks up. Ahem, well... They clear their throat so she'd look up because she doesn't seem to really notice her surroundings.  
Ah ! Finally. They stare at her, as her hand is still playing in Laura's hair.

"Wait a minute… sooo... you mean you let me struggle with the fire" they begin, inching closer, "when you literally light things up with your mind ?!"

Carmilla only smirks. They get up, throwing their hands in the air, complaining to Perry that, really ? Nobody remembered that the damn vampire could do that ? They enter their tent, ruffling into their stuff just to do something because they're so cold. Their best friend, the dear floor don, pokes her head into their shelter and kisses their cheek.

They blush slightly and instantly feel better. They smile to themselves before going out warming themselves up near the fire. They huff when the wind wraps around them again making them shiver until Perry pushes some hot cocoa in their hands.

The vampire softly shakes Laura's shoulder, waking her up gently. After all, they're well into the evening, near night even and she needs to eat. Even if she knows, it won’t be much from what’s left of their provisions. The human stirs slightly before scrunching up her face when her ankle meets the ground as she stretches. Carmilla sighs. So much whining around.  
  
And she could have been in her nice house with some nice blood, reading some nice books. NICE. She pushes Laura into a sitting position, motioning to the ginger head to give her some food. She watches them eat as she shakes her head when Perry hands her a part. God, they're so slow, she wants to be in her tent already.  
She's walked the whole day, half of it with her sleeping roommate on her back -not that she minds- and there's a dull ache in her shoulder.  
She gets up, muttering about going around while they eat. She feels the hunger rumbles in her veins.

As they get into their tents, LaFontaine comments on the lack of bears now coming close. Wonder why, really. Might have something to do with rumors of a gigantic black cat and the predatory smell floating around. They say goodnight, following their now routine after so long in the wild and head to their shelters.

It takes exactly seventeen minutes for Carmilla to join Laura. She enters the tent with labored breaths and plops down next to her. After twenty days of sleeping in a cramped shelter, they learnt to optimize what they had of free space. Their bags don't lie anymore on the end of their self inflating mats, for instance. They've moved them to the side of the tent -oddly enough, it seems that it wasn't working for them when they were right between the beds- and they pushed their mats together.  
It doesn't change much anyway, considering the size of the shelter. She groans lightly when her back hits the mattress. A sigh escapes her lips as the ever so present ache in her bones echoes with the remnants of the one in her shoulder. So long to heal, so long.

"You went running around, huh ?"

She nods. Yes, she did. She had to check a few things and there are some she can't do in front of the human or said human will turn into a mini investigator -well. worse than she already is- and she doesn't need her to do that right now. And if what she thinks turns out to be true, it makes her want even more that her nosy roommate doesn't find out about it too.

Laura comes closer, wrapped into her sleeping bag, her eyes so heavy with sleep, the vampire wonders how in the world she isn't sleeping yet. A shiver answers her and she rolls her eyes.  
Humans. Always cold.

"C'mere" she mumbles, ignoring the dull pain in her body.

She zips open her sleeping bag and lets her roommate snuggle closer, wrapping her arms around her. The girl's head lands on her shoulder and she spreads the cover on them, trapping the warmness with them as a shield against winter sweeping in their tent.

She huffs when Laura snuggles closer to her and starts talking softly. Carmilla mumbles something about the human just getting comfortable and warm so she can just shut the fuck up and stop that bloody noise with her teeth when she shivers from the cold. She doesn't care that the girl is half laying on her as long as she doesn't make a sound. The tiny human laughs softly and stops her rambling, gently kissing her brooding roommate on the cheek before settling back on her shoulder.

Laura sighs and already, she's nodding off, her entire body crushed against the vampire's.

 

She wakes up in the middle of the night, eyes flying open as she swears she can still see the scorched face maniacally grinning at her as her Carmilla is eaten away by the Light, her body contorted in pain and slowly crumbling to dust. She shivers, and it's not from the cold. By miracle, she manages to keep her breathing even and her heart to stop thumping wildly in her chest.

A soft gush of fresh air hits her face and she realizes she's not sleeping on the vampire's shoulder anymore. She must have rolled off in her sleep. She stretches a little, turning to snuggle back in her neck only to find that Carmilla is lying on her side. She smiles as she sneaks her hand around her waist, blindly looking for her hand to hold onto. She can't find it and she frowns a little, noticing that the vampire seems to be moving slightly. That, and the content sigh she hears when her fingers brush Carmilla's stomach.

Pushing on her wrist, she props herself up slightly only to see that her roommate is in a similar position. She snuggles closer, her head nuzzling the vampire's neck who's probably reading. Incredible vision, she couldn't read with only the light of a phone sets so low. She kisses the skin of Carmilla's neck when something tells her that if the settings are so dark, it must be because she didn’t want to wake her up.

"Mmh… Hi. It's still night." murmurs the vampire.

Laura nods and inches her body closer until she's flush against her back. She sighs, looking down from the crook of her roommate's neck. That's when she realizes what the soft movements were. Not turning pages, no. Writing.

Carmilla isn't reading. She's writing. She brushes the back of her hand against the vampire's fingers, stilling them. Carmilla turns her head in her direction, her eyes looking slightly distracted. Distant, away, in another world. She wonders how it looks.

"What are you writing ?" Laura asks softly.

The vampire smiles, closing the small notebook and putting it away. Then, she turns to lie on her back and stares at her in that strange way only her can pull off. Laura looks away for a second, not able to hold eyes looking at her with such intensity.

"Stories."

Carmilla motions for her to lay down on her chest and so she does, breathing in relief. She doesn't know when she got used to feel so safe around the vampire but she knows that she doesn't mind the slightest. There's a softness in her roommate that makes Laura's heart squeeze.

She's already falling back into slumber when Carmilla speaks again. Her eyes are wide open in the night, her breath even as she nuzzles her face into the human's hair.

"Stories to chase nightmares away."

Laura's breath hitches slightly as she brings one of the vampire's hands up to gently kiss it. She feels more than she hears her sigh. She winds her hands on her sides, holding her on, anchoring herself as her roommate's arms wrap around her, pulling her close. Into warmth and safeness. As if she has guessed why the human had woken up. She knows how nightmares feel.

"Will you tell me, one day ?"

And she’s both talking about stories and unsaid words hanging in the air for days.  
Her voice is barely above a whispers and for a few seconds, she doubts Carmilla heard her. Maybe she's already asleep. They're having long and tiring days. But the vampire heard her, as always. A squeeze by the arms around her answers Laura.

(Of course she will.)

 

Carmilla frowns as she wakes up, eyelids still resolutely shut, the Sun illuminating the inside of the tent through the fabric. Despite that they’ve been walking from morning to night for more than twenty days now, it still feels like a damn sin to wake up before 3pm.   
She cracks one eye open and groans, immediately trying to hide back under the covers. The bright luminosity can only mean one thing : a cloudless day. A sunny day. Wonderful, she’s delighted.

Her sleeping bag is suddenly being snatched away from her. Really, she should stop opening it wide and instead just get inside it, letting the bloody human to freeze to death during nighttime. At least she could sleep in fucking peace in the morning. She snarls at said human, not opening her eyes, instead stretching into a more comfortable position, her foot hitting her roommate in what she believes is her thigh. This is some ripping throat bullshit. Don’t mess with her before noon or soon, you’ll find her licking her fingers clean from the blood of the nagging little shit. Her hands twitch.

She doesn’t have the time to express her dissatisfaction -probably with the help of a few insults and menacing growls- that there’s something pressing on her face.  
She’s quick to realize that Laura’s peppering kisses all over her features and she has to fight back the irresistible urge to smile. Her roommate’s lips brush the corner of hers and she gives up, turning her head and meeting hers.

Her hands up, cupping the human’s face, she pulls her down. Kisses her forehead, kisses her nose and then finally kisses her mouth, her thumbs brushing Laura’s cheek.

They gently break the kiss, Laura staying half on top as she grins down at her. Finally, finally, the vampire opens her eyes, deserted by any remnants of sleep. And the view is so beautiful. Disheveled hair cascades around a bright smile, -spreading warmness into her cold body- barely hiding a neck pounding with heat. She gently caresses it, her thumb settling on her pulse point.

“Good morning, sleepy head. Ready to go ?”

And that’s exactly the moment when any traces of possible joy leaves Carmilla’s face. Oh Hell no she’s not going, especially right now. Fuck that. She reaches blindly for the cover with her hands, grasping its edge and messily pulling it over them. Then, she looks over at the human, eyes big and her lips pursed.

“No.” she pouts.

Laura laughs, kissing her forehead and then starts to tickle her. Carmilla glances at her dangerously but, sadly for her, you don’t look very threatening when you’re squirming and barely breathing from all the giggles escaping your mouth. As the human throws her head back to bark a laugh at her scrunched up face, she attacks her by surprise and inverts their position, a smug grin stretching her lips.

“Vampire strength ! Not fair !”

Carmilla lifts an eyebrow. She’s way too tired to use any of her particular abilities right now. She slides her hands into brown hair, gently untangling some knots on their way. She cups her face, her thumbs caressing the human’s smiling mouth. Her breath hitches a bit as she thinks about warming light and fondness and laughter and laughter and laughter. Her hands continues to trail down her neck slowly, Carmilla willing them not to shake and stop when she brushes past her pulse point.  
She pays extra attention to her roommate’s collarbone, rearranging the disheveled hoodie the human is wearing.

Her fingers slide down clothed arms, silently wishing to feel skin instead of fabric. She’s gotten to the point where she looks so focused that Laura’s eyebrows furrow and she straighten her back a bit, trying to read her face.

That’s when the mischievous glint lights the vampire’s eyes up and she knows she’s been trapped. Before she can catch her breath, there are hands on her either of her sides, tickling her furiously and she’s almost screaming because please stop I’m dying here, I can’t breathe stop.  
The tent is filled with laughter and their will for it to never stop.

(It might, someday. Or will it ?)

After many begging and pleads, Carmilla finally releases her, abandoning her top position to lie down next to the human, arms wide open for her to come seek warmness and comfort. But Laura doesn’t come. Instead, she sits up, gently touches the tip of her nose with a finger and smiles.

“We really have to go, Carm’, I’ll wait for you outside or I know we’ll never leave.”

With that, she’s out, her hands firmly closed on the opened sleeping bag, keeping it out of the vampire’s reach. Carmilla sighs loudly in the empty space.  
A sunny day isn’t very appealing nor is the idea of walking around for hours with the sound of the human’s growling stomachs in her ears. Like, really ? Almost out of food in the fucking woods and mountains ? What an awesome perspective.

She’ll have to think of a solution but really, she’s in no mood right now. If it’s possible, her sigh is heavier than the precedent.

When Carmilla emerges the tent, she looks paler than she has in days. The Sun reflects in the snow, making its shiny white hard to look at. Harsh reminder of how tern and translucent her skin seems. She looks like a ghost and Laura balls her hands into fists.

She never asked for forgiveness for starving her during 9 days. On presumptions ! What a great journalist she makes, really. Putting her friends in danger and being dense about what she was really messing with. All of them have fought and lost, some more than others. All of this for what ? Running away because what they’ve fought against was only to lure them in ?  
The guilt has been settling in her chest a little more each days and the weight feels suddenly unbearable. There’s no escape, she’ll be their end if it continues. All of them, her friends, the students, everyone, she put them in danger because she had to put her nose where she shouldn’t have. Because she wanted to do the right thing but ended up making it worse.  
he looks away from the harsh reminder of in how much pain she put people she cares about. Loves, -or something like that-, maybe.

Carmilla frowns, her hand shielding her from the bright Sun when her eyes land on Laura. Her brows furrow deeper and she throws a concerned glance at LaFontaine who turns around. The journalist seems away, lost in a cloud of thoughts and it’s like her shoulders are hunched under the weight of an invisible sadness.

She doesn’t have to open her mouth that LaFontaine nods. After so long, they’ve started to get used to be the tents attendant. Carmilla gives them a small grateful smile before approaching her roommate and softly putting a hand on her shoulder. Sitting down next to her, she takes her hands and gently opens them, tracing the lines with her fingers.

“Hey.”

When nothing answers her, she playfully bumps her shoulder into the human’s, only to meet tired chocolate eyes. Her smile fades and she moves to face her, her fingers closing on warm hands through gloves.

“What’s wrong, cutie ?”

Laura shrugs. Nothing is wrong. Everything is. Whatevers she does it seems it’ll only go worse and worse and that all she did was put her friends into danger because she’s been careless. And now her dad must be worried sick and they can’t reach him and he’s never been alone at Christmas since-... and they won’t make it on time and that’s wrong, wrong, wrong and there’s nothing she can do and she hates it as much as she hates that she cannot help but ramble every time. She sighs, frustrated.

There’s a short silence when she leans forward and snuggles into the crook of Carmilla’s neck. The vampire doesn’t hesitate once when she wraps her arms around her and draws her close. Laura breathes her in softly, the warmness and safeness she finds there clearing a bit the ocean of her thoughts.

“You said obligations and expectations are like an undersea anchor, impossible to escape…” she whispers and Carmilla only nods because she remembers that day and the way Mother smiled, her hand icy on her face when they heard them all through the closed door.

“It’s like a prison from where you see moon and stars but can’t feel their lights on you.”

Her eyes are a bit wet and she doesn’t know if it’s because she feels exhausted after days and days of hiking and missing her dad or because she wishes things would have been and be different.  
She closes them, though, when gentle hands cup her face and she can feel one tear escaping past her eyelid, amber river on her cheek. She doesn’t need the vampire to know.

But, for once, Carmilla waits and doesn’t have a snarky comment to give her. She offers her the solace of silence until she feels strong enough to look at the world again. Then, only, her low voice fills her ears.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

She snorts because this is so _so_ Carmilla. A small sad smile adorns her lips as she shakes her head. Unbelievable, such a nerd despite every protests she'd retort with.

“Camus ? Really ?”

The vampire keeps an arm around her shoulders when she barks out a laugh, eyes closed in the Sun. She’s got that shit-eating grin when she looks down her again and it makes Laura almost laughs at how _proud_ the vampire seems to be.

“Well, well, well, you’ve finally become well-read, I see !”

Laura rolls her eyes, gently hitting her on the shoulder -Carmilla is quick to hide the wince, she doesn’t need the human to feel worse right now- before leaning back again in her embrace. She realizes she’s become pretty used to that kind of intimacy. Finding warmness where there was none. If only her old infuriated self could watch her now…

“I feel like I led you all to your doom in my so-called “quest” for justice and such.”

And there it is. It starts with a single somersault of her shoulders before her body is wracked whole with sobs as she clutches desperately on the vampire’s jacket. In a second, LaFontaine and Perry squat there, the later throwing an angry glance at Carmilla who snarls, her hold on her roommate tightening.

“Hey, Laura. Laura…” her voice sounds so far, so distant, so unreachable in this world made of guilt. She's on deserted lands where everything died because the Sun left. Because of her. The vampire puts her hands on her shoulders and pushes her back, her eyes fierce as she continues.

“You didn’t force us. We followed you because we wanted to, not because we had to.”

Understanding immediately what is is all about, LaFontaine puts a hand on Laura's arm, a smile on their lips as their other hand searches for Perry’s. They roll their shoulder in a theatrical way, playfully showing their muscles through their coat and disheveling their air with their free hand. The perfect mad scientist look.

“Yeah, how could we have passed so many reasons to make crazy science and-” they wink “the fights, the battles, the weird. I mean… It was hardcore !”

Perry pulls a serious face when she squeezes their hand and comes closer. She puts her ever so good looking -how she manages it in this situation, nobody knows- curly hair behind her ears in a gracefully laid move.

“And I couldn’t let you go to battle bare feet nor leave Su-LaFontaine alone with a stake or a baseball bat.”

Laura laughs and relief washes over all of them. That’s what friends do, after all. They remind you of the light when you can’t see it. Perry pats her knee before getting up, pulling the bio major with her. She gently leads them away, not before throwing a pointed look at the vampire.

Where what is left of their campsite, she picks her bag up and starts to leave despite LaFontaine’s protests. She walks slowly, though, so it’s not hard for them to catch up on her. And, after all, all of them know the direction they’re going today. As the bio major runs and stops her, their eyes full of concern, she simply smiles and takes their hand. And it’s full of trust that they follow Perry.  
She’s always been good at knowing when words are still unspoken and need to be let out.

Laura has taken her spot back against Carmilla, her hands still clutching on her jacket. Her roommate is rocking a little, as if to soothe her like you’d do with a infant crying a lullaby.  
She’s so tired, she feels about to fall asleep. But she knows she can’t. They have to move.  
They have to, do they ?

“I’m so sorry…” her voice is barely above a whisper. “I’m so so sorry…” she wonders how it hasn’t broken yet. “You almost died because of _me_.” Ah, finally. The cracks echoing with the endless hole ready to swallow her whole in culpability.  
Over her head, she feels Carmilla’s moving. Shaking. And there’s a storm bursting somewhere deep within the vampire.

“No.” Her voice is strong, fierce, confident. “I almost died _for_ you. Not because of you.” Loving. “That’s where the difference lies. It was my choice and I don’t regret it, Laura.”

And suddenly there are lips on hers, begging for something like redemption. And Carmilla gives it, with everything she has, her hands searching the human’s and linking their fingers together.

(Together. For as long as they’re being granted this word.)

She helps her get up, such tenderness in a short time making her feel a bit dizzy. Or maybe that’s just the Sun. Or the view of amber eyes being filled with happiness again. Maybe Mother was wrong, after all. Maybe everything she touches doesn’t turn to dust.

They pick their bags up, walking fast to catch on thei- Laura’s friends. Though she’s hiding her face from the bright light, she doesn’t let go of the human’s hand.   
Soon, laughter and rambling are filling her ears again. Also complains about LaFontaine having their phone with them and not being able to take pictures and tweet. And no Carmilla, she won’t stop and you can still dream for the battery to die. And anyway if their phone dies, she’ll take yours -a girl can dream- and keep on being the good reporter she is.  
When they get the gingers in view -o rage ! o despair !-, Laura gently tugs on her hand.

“I, too, have a quote to offer you.” and she doesn’t comment on the raised eyebrow and the skeptical smile.

“In the depth of winter” she pokes meaningfully at Carmilla’s chest, her eyes not leaving the night staring back at them. “I finally learned that there was in me” she points towards herself, a fierce yet tender look on her face. “an invincible summer.”

And this is a statement she knows for sure and doesn’t doubt.

Carmilla stops abruptly. Looking at her with such intensity she doesn’t know how she’s still standing there. In cold and barren lands you can find solace and courage, that’s what she said. Mother never told her she could warm someone up without burning them to ashes. It takes her a few moments until her heart calm down enough so she can speak again.  
She lets out a breathy laugh, her hand covering her face.

“Camus again. God, I managed to make you even nerdier. You've turned into a monster.” her hand falls on her side and she raises her eyebrows smugly. “But at least, those are good references and you could almost fool someone into thinking you’re smart, dimwit.”

In a swift move, she dodges the fist thrown at her and she laughs loudly, all remembrances of how pale she looks leaving Laura’s mind as she chases after her, hopping because though her ankle feels way better now, it stills hurts. But it doesn’t stop her from crashing on the vampire’s back under two surprised sets of eyes.

 

They don’t talk about the tears session followed with smiles and jokes when they catch up on each others. To be honest, after their so-called “lunch”, they don’t speak at all.

Yeah, you must understand that half of an handful of quinoa and two granola bars aren’t very fulfilling from the growls emitted by their stomachs. Especially when you didn’t much more the day before. They’re so focused on their hunger, none of them feels like chit-chatting. Especially not with a vampire whose stomach howls as much as their -if not louder- and whose eyes scream murder.

They’re hungry, the Sun is bright and nothing happens except white covering everything. If they weren’t so famished they’d have fallen asleep from how dull everything looks.

Well, something does happen when LaFontaine trips on a rock. Nothing serious, really, simply a little scratch on their forehead -that Perry wants to disinfect immediately- but they don’t miss the way Carmilla’s hands twitch and it’s stronger than them, it’s fear that takes place in their eyes. They gulp and Perry slowly moves to stand in front of them, acting as a shield.

When none is needed ! Laura wants to shout but even she, has to admit that the vampire as pallid as she is, looks very threatening right now. And when Carmilla notices their reactions, she seems to be truly pondering whose throat she could fast on and feed. How delightful their blood would feel on her tongue.

But instead, her face harden, she walks swiftly towards them, hands dropping on her sides and- she passes them. Her fists deep in her pockets when she walks ahead, angry, so angry.  
At herself. For thinking for a moment that any of them trusted her.   
Why would them ?

(And it’s a bitter thought that has Mother voice.)

Laura shakes her head. This day is a train wreck. So much drama in one day, had it been a book she’d have rolled her eyes. She shrugs at her friends, watching as LaFontaine pulls out their phone and look in the direction of the vampire. And as she watches her walk faster, disappearing from their views, she knows she's feeling like a monster. Ell believed me to be a monster rings in her ears.

She promises herself to never let her feel that way ever again.

But she doesn’t run after her. Carmilla is a lonely creature and she knows she’ll come back near them when she’ll have cooled off and it’ll be the time. She hopes it won’t be too long.

The time comes when after an umpteenth complain about how hungry they are, she falls face down in the snow. She swears internally at the bit of ice that made her slip and wonders for the thousandth time when she’ll stop getting herself in such ridicule situations.  
She thinks she can go away with only LaFontaine’s barely contained laugh when a loud laughter echoes around them and they see Carmilla slipping between trees, hands on her stomach and tears in her eyes.

Alright, she definitely isn’t going to live that down. Ever. And she has her confirmation when even an hour later, she still can hear Carmilla and LaFontaine sniggering behind. Only the latter has the decency to somewhat hide their laughter when she suddenly turns around, hand outstretched and fingers wiggling. The bio major sighs before handing their phone.

“You could ask hers, sometimes.” They nod towards Carmilla whose laughter hasn’t calmed down yet which really doesn’t help them keeping a barely straight face.

It’s almost hysteric the way the pair can’t seem to stop laughing. Soon -after angry tweeting and blurry pictures of the two of them laughing- Laura finds that she has to fight the urge to smile. Not because her fall was funny… Because it clearly wasn’t when she could have hurt herself more and her ankle still feels a little painful ! but because there is some kind of happiness flowing again and it makes them forget about that rollercoaster of emotions they got today. One way to cope, she supposes. Not worse than any other.

Finally, after a while, she caves in and it’s only from there that she hears Perry’s very carefully contained laughter that had been going all along.

Soon, they can’t take a step anymore. They’re cold and tired and hungry. They’d eat anything. And by anything, they truly mean anything, including Perry’s “super healthy meals” she tried to make them eat when they were still at Silas. What a fond memory, suddenly. They must really be starving, especially Laura. Plopping down in the snow, it’s three sets of eyes looking at the vampire, eyebrows up as a few pieces of wood are thrown together.

Carmilla sighs. She’s tired. She’s thirsty. And everything they’re asking her is taking the little of strength she has left. She needs to find blood and quick. Feeding of animals doesn’t work very well, they’re not in Twilight. She knows she’s reaching her limits, she can hear it scream in her veins. Soon animal’s blood won’t be enough and she’ll either cave in or convulse. There’s a limit to everything and she’s dancing dangerously close from it. Though she reached it quicker than usual. Must be the awful conditions.

She pushes away the dull ache in her muscles and concentrate, her hands balling into fists. There’s a crack in the air around them and then a sparkle briefly illuminates their faces but the fire doesn’t take and she sighs, sitting down with them. Her chest is already heaving and the humans are looking at her with questions in their eyes. She groans internally. Vampires aren’t weak unlike humans. They’re strong, ripping time apart. Flames burst out of the branches.

“What would you humans be without us…”

A lot safer, probably. LaFontaine spreads out the map as all of them scramble around it, trying to see how far they are from a town. As small as it is, really, they’re not looking for cell reception anymore but for something to eat. Because here goes their last rations of quinoa and the last 3 granola bars. And none cookie left for Laura.

That’s exactly when this thought hit them that the bio major clears their throat. They look at them more closely and- oh no, not that face. Will this day ever fucking end ?

“So it happens that I don’t know where we are on the map.”

Carmilla gets up, throwing her hands out in frustration and starts to walk away. Without thinking, Laura follows her, reaching gently for her arm. The vampire turns around, sulking.

“You mean that basically we’re lost. What a bunch of dumbasses who can’t even read a map properly.”

Her roommate squeezes her forearm in warning and she stops, rolling her eyes. Calming down ever so slightly.

“You’re the one to talk, Carm’, you’re like 300 years old and you don’t even know the name of the town next to campus !”

Said 300 years old crosses her arms, her jaw set and something that looks like a childish pout on her face.

“Sorry Indiana Jones, I did not know that I had to know maps to poof around.

Well you could have poofed for help !”

Oh but she did. She poofed to save you from rescuing a bunch of students and getting entranced by the Light. She poofed to get you away from it without thinking a second that she never poofed with anybody before and with so much will that it worked.

“I’d poof to my house if I wasn’t so hungry, that’s for sure.” she mutters through clenched teeth.

And then, to everyone’s surprise, she sits with no more complain. She looks tired, almost dozing off despite her recent burst of anger. Or maybe because of it, how could they know.  
Laura doesn’t give up, though. She has the flame in herself still shining bright and strong and they’re going to figure it out. They try to get some landmarks on the map.

“I don’t know, Laura, everything looks the same.”

Hands clap behind them and a sarcastic voice answers them.

“Well done, you. Very clever. Yes trees and mountains are pretty much looking alike, good job ! Any other very useful input, ginger head ?”

Before LaFontaine or the floor don can answer, Laura snaps back.

“Oh, stop it. You’re not the only one who’s hungry and tired, Carm’.”

The sound of a whip could have exploded in the silence following that it’d have been the same. The vampire immediately crosses her arms on her chest but doesn’t say another word. More ! She gets up and tries to pitch the tents, something she’s never done before.

Taking pity on her, LaFontaine goes to help and after a few shoulder bumps -what can they say, they love risking their life- they manage to get something that could look like smile, if you squint your eyes a lot, out of her. They’re still lost but at least, they’re not in some kind of fight anymore. Enough for today. One Hell of a day, they hope there won’t be another one like that.

The group eyes their last rations of food. Yes, tomorrow there won’t be anything left. Carmilla pours her quinoa in Laura’s bowl and refuse the granola bar. She doesn’t need it as much as her roommate does.

But the human, as always the brave warrior she is, splits the ration so that all three of them can enjoy it. She does worry a little about the vampire’s health but she’s so hungry, she can’t refuse more food. Plus, Carmilla’s not totally wrong, she can still feed of animals. Though, even her starts to see that it won’t be enough for long.

Plus Carmilla isn’t as good as a hunter as she pretends to be.  
Might have to do with the pain gripping on her muscles but this, the human doesn’t know.

They’re exhausted. Halfway through eating Perry falls asleep on LaFontaine’s shoulder who has to wake her up to finish. They barely say goodbye when the two of them are entering their tents.  
The rest of the group is quick to follow the lead.

Lying on the mats, Laura has her eyes wide open. She aches to reach for her roommate but there’s something holding her back, somehow. She tries to shrugs it off and close her eyes but the hunger in Carmilla’s eyes seems to be burned on her eyelids.

“Do you want to…” she clears her throat. Her voice feels odd and heavy in the silence. “Do you want to feed of me ?”

The vampire’s eyes open in the night and Laura reaches for the little electric lantern to read her face. Stern features stare back at her. She feels like a child about to be scolded by the principal.

“No.” Carmilla pulls a face.

Now that looks just insulting. She’d have accepted a no -though not understood why- but the face is really rude. Does her blood taste bad or something ? What an hilarious thought she never thought she’d ever have.

“Alright, geez, no need to look so disgusted.”

Plus, she is consenting, what are they going to do when the vampire won’t be able to keep her craving in ? It’s the logical thing to do and since she proposed it, that proves she’s not against it, quite the contrary. Yeah, quite the contrary indeed and that surprises her. Not that she wants to be bitten -she’s not that crazy, thank you very much- but she doesn’t mind the idea as much as she thought she would. She sees Carmilla’s hands twitch and tries to press on some more. She can’t bear seeing her roommate like that, she’s afraid she might go into convulsions again and what would they do, then.

She yelps when suddenly Carmilla is above her, her knees on either sides of her waist, holding her in place. She gulps. So there it is, this is the moment. She watches her conflicted face and suddenly wonders what will happen to her when she… when she’ll pass. And it makes her think about eternity. She bites her bottom lip and closes her eyes when the vampire leans down, her face inches from hers.

“I’m not feeding of you, Laura.”

Laura opens her eyes, surprised. They went through this, it only makes sense that she does. She caresses her cheek, trying to reassure her. It’s okay, really, she doesn’t mind. But Carmilla shakes her head.

“Never again.”, she promises, “Never again.”

And the human smiles. She understands somehow. She cups her face and brings her down for a kiss. They’ll figure it out, they always did. And there’s really no other solution then she’ll make her feed of her because she’s not losing her. Not again.

“I’m enough of a monster like that without adding more to the plate.”

And it makes Laura’s heart ache in a violent way. She’s shaking when she pushes Carmilla back and sits up, her arms wrapped around her neck. And she kisses her like her life depends on it. Her hands tangling into dark hair, her mouth leaving lips to meet neck, their bodies flushing against one another.

She kisses softly where neck meets shoulder and her hands drift down the vampire’s back, dancing on her spine. She finally gets to the hem of her shirt and slips her fingers under, palms opening on her stomach. A whimper escapes past Carmilla’s lips and it is the most delightful sound she’s ever heard.

A tug and the shirt is discarded. She allows her eyes to rack over her body in awe, only frowning a little when she notices some bruises on her shoulder and the upper part of her abdomen. Carmilla motions to her that it’s nothing when she sees Laura’s eyebrows furrowing and the human looks at her skeptically before softly kissing where the skin on her shoulder has taken the sunset’s hue.  
A gentle push and her roommate is lying on her back and Laura hovers over her, her lips connecting with her collarbone. She smiles against her skin when Carmilla’s fingers clutch on her pajamas.

“You know, since it’s “quote and emotions rollercoaster’s day” I could tell you about something I read on Tumblr.”

The vampire sighs dramatically, her hands pulling on the human’s way too clothed back. Laura sits back and takes off the offending article. She shivers both from the cold hitting her and the gaze reveling in the view. She blushes slightly, a little self-conscious when Carmilla looks at her in wonder, almost losing her train of thoughts. But no, she has to stay focused, at least a little longer.

Her hands resume their previous work of inching up her sides while her lips kiss the skin near the valley of her breasts.

“It’s about some characters from Supernatural, that show I’ve talked to you about.”

A sarcastic pffft answers her as the vampire arches her back, her palms on the human’s shoulders.

“Nerd.” she mocks. Her voice cracks when hands cup her through her bra. “God-” She breathes.

“You can call me Laura.”

Carmilla laughs, cupping the human’s face and pulling her up to kiss her. It’s messy, they’re smiling and giggling and it feels like their first kisses all over again. But their love is giggles and clumsiness and mouths as favorite places to pour laughter in.

“That was easy.” she says.

“Maybe, but it worked.” grins Laura.

And yeah, it did. Carmilla caresses her cheeks with her thumbs, silently hoping that the warmness spreading in her heart will stay, this time. A foolish wish she has every time and yet… She lets her soiled hands trace a line of ash down the human’s neck, palms pressing on collarbone and fingers brushing over chest. Laura smiles shyly, her breaths labored.

And Carmilla can’t stop looking at her. Searching for redemption and forgiveness and absolution in the body of the next one she’s going to destroy with her iron touch. There’s no Mother to susurrate in her ears, to reminds her she’s become the monster she believes she is centuries ago, to screams that she’s Death’s little diamond but freedom has a sour taste on her lips and she draws her hands back.

Laura kisses her cheek, covers them with hers and gently press, with patience and care. She swallows back a small moan that threaten to spill from her lips and hovers over her roommate, their breaths mingling, eyes lost in each other’s.

“Go on, I won’t break.”

This time, she doesn’t try to stop the sound from leaving her and it sets Carmilla’s skin ablaze. Her hands drift down, spreading on her stomach, circling her waist and Laura leaves a trail of kisses on her neck.

“When is a monster not a monster ?” she asks in a low tone.

The vampire shivers and she keeps on kissing the tender skin there, stopping to nip gently, her hands anchoring her roommate where she is. Right there, with her. Together. Carmilla shrugs, her fingers dancing on her lower back. Laura revels in the delightful touch, her mouth leaving only to come back, on the edge of the vampire’s chest.

“Oh, when you love it.”

She feels more than she hears Carmilla’s breath hitches and she hides her face, sliding down until her lips leaves a trail of kisses on her stomach. The vampire’s hands leave her back to tangle themselves in her hair. Blushing furiously, she’s not sure about using that line of the poem.

“Oh, when you are the reason it has become so mangled.”

She gently bites the skin there, with the tip of her teeth. Carmilla whines in the night, not caring how desperate it sounds. Her back arches against her will and she swears her skin never burned so warm in all the eternity of her life. She wills her hands to disentangle themselves from Laura’s hair and grips the thighs against her sides, pulling and pulling until that sinful mouth hovers over hers. She kisses her with fierceness, her teeth capturing her bottom lips and she bites, swallowing the moan that enters her mouth. Her hands slide up until her fingers grabs Laura’s back pockets and she pulls down, connecting their hips together. She can’t tell which one of them whimper in the silence. The tip of Laura’s tongue touches hers and she feels herself giving in under the pressure. She grips the human and pulls her close, close, close, eyes fluttering shut at the melody of gasps singing in her ears. The kiss is broken when Laura searches and searches for air and for what she wanted to say.

“There’s no unloved monster, Carm’. Even the infuriating ones.”

All monsters aren't bad ones, Carmilla Karnstein. Which kind do you want to be ? Their faces are only inches apart, her words brushing Carmilla’s lips with care. With slightly trembling hands, the vampire pushes her hair back behind her ears, eyes full of something she can’t tell but oddly echoing with the howls she hears in herself.

(They don’t know, they don’t know, they don’t know.)

And finally, finally, Carmilla caves in. She flips their position, hands on her neck and waist. She kisses her, hard and slow, hips grounding into Laura’s. Reverential.  
Her lips dance on the human’s jaw, suck on her pulse point and stretch into a smile when a low moan rewards them. She slips her leg between hers. Presses.

And by Hogwarts, Laura sure does see the stars imprinted on her eyelids taking the place of pallid starving skin. She can feel them run into her veins, sparkling, sparkling everywhere,and burning burning, burning. Waves of pleasure crash over her and she seeks her lost breath into Carmilla’s mouth. Her hands scratch on the vampire’s warmish shoulders and she could almost forget the cold sweating on her bare skin. Despite herself, she shivers from both the cold and something else. Her hands come on the vampire’s hips, gently grasping.

Carmilla is quick to stop and see the goosebumps on her skin. In a fluid motion, she gets the human’s shirt and hands it to her with a smile, already searching for a pullover.

“Here. Wouldn’t be the best moment to catch a cold, cupcake.” She pokes her roommate’s forehead as she emerges from the sweater.

She makes sure that Laura is warm before leaning down again, her hands on either sides of the human’s head holding her up. She kisses her nose.

“Or worse ! A running nose. I don’t want your snots on my stuff.” she scrunches up her face.

They laugh, Laura sticking her tongue out. The vampire captures her mouth, laughter turning into sigh and slightly canting hips. Fingers pulling a little on clothing, her lips connect where neck meets shoulders and she bites. Laura throws her head back, hands gripping Carmilla’s arms. The vampire’s slide down her sides, ever so slowly. Slipping under her sweater, palms spreading out and fingers tugging at the waistband of her pants. Lips leave her neck as she’s watched, eyes interrogating and hands moving slowly.   
Smaller ones cover them, stilling them and linking them together.

Her roommate smiles fondly and it is the most tender smile Laura has ever seen on the broody vampire’s features. She kisses her again and it is soft, so soft Laura feels handled with so much care and love, her heart might burst. She’s held as a giant would cradle in their arms a lost child but in such a way that she doesn’t feel fragile. And she’s thankful for that. For her strength and independence to be recognized. For not being trapped in an overprotective cocoon. Carmilla separates one of their hands to trace her features with some kind of wonder. It is gentle, whispers of touches that makes Laura think about eternity with those night eyes where stars seem to be burning the brightest.

Only the vampire doesn’t know a world without loneliness and loss and it makes her ache to fill the vacant hole she can feel when Carmilla kisses her.

(There’s a world of dreams within reach.)

And she doesn’t know if she could quell her own want to understand and investigate the world around her. But something in her whispers that Carmilla would follow her anywhere. And that she, too, would step into the deepest Hell to bring her back, never turning once until Sun and Moon wash them in light again. That she wouldn’t think twice about stepping through that smoking threshold shattering ground apart despite how annoying and infuriating her roommate is. That she’d gladly feels the pomegranate's juice spills from her lips if it meant forever with her.

And it scares her.

It scares her that she went from hating her to think about a possible eternity on her sides. To think about fighting for her not to be alone anymore. For her not to be a stranger to a world she used to belong in. For her to never, ever, leave her again. It scares her that she might feel something so strong for her that she cannot find any words to describe it. It scares her that the vampire doesn’t see how deep the bond linking them goes. Or that she doesn’t feel it.

After all, why would she.

Sensing her inner turmoil, Carmilla kisses her gently out of these thoughts. She smiles with that smile reserved to the human only and her hands leave her face to settle around her waist, Laura’s brushing her naked shoulders.

“Nosy annoying journalists are loved too despite them being dimwits.”

And finally, the Sun comes back in amber eyes and it’s as beautiful and bright as the Moon shining in night ones.

The vampire sets her head on her roommate's chest, and it’s without a second thought that Laura wraps her arms around her, pulling her close. Their legs tangled together and their sleeping bags messily thrown over them -but still carefully covering the always damn cold human-, they find in each other the quietness to fall asleep as their bodies rumble again with briefly forgotten hunger.

And when Carmilla wakes up in the middle of the night, hair sticking to her sweaty temples, in the middle of a silent hollow scream, it is to the rhythm of Laura’s heartbeat in her ears that she finds her peace and closes her eyes to sleep.

Unafraid.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Note 1 :** Thanks to fallenone who, since the beginning, has had to bear with me and my many insecurities about this story.  
>  **Note 2 :** The quote Laura answers Carmilla with is from one of the translation of "Return to Tipasa". And basically I'd recommend any of Camus' books.  
>  **Note 3 :** The poem Laura is quoting has been written by Caitlyn Siehl and you can find it here : alonesomes.tumblr.com/post/78510570406 . It's really beautiful, I highly recommend it.
> 
> And on a true ending note (I stop talking now, I promise); thanks to all of you for still being there and put up with me.


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